From Bullying to Forgiveness: My Journey of Self-Acceptance

There’s a kind of pain that burrows deep beneath the surface — the kind that whispers, you don’t belong here. When a young heart is made to feel like an outsider because of race or difference, it doesn’t just sting — it shapes everything.

In sixth grade, racism wasn’t some abstract concept from a textbook — it had a face, a name, and a voice that echoed through the halls. A boy who once flirted turned cruel. The teasing quickly turned into taunts, and what began as confusion soon unraveled into a pattern of exclusion and ridicule. He called her Chinese, even though she was Vietnamese — not that either should have been insulted. Others joined in. Laughter became weapons. Silence became survival.

At home, there wasn’t much safety either. Her identity, already under attack at school, was dismissed or ignored within the family. Remarks from her mother only added to the confusion. There was no space to ask questions, no warmth of cultural pride. Just a quiet, aching distance from a heritage never given room to breathe.

No child should have to learn to shrink themselves to feel safe. But that’s what happened. Shame taught her how to blend in. Pain taught her how to anticipate rejection. By the time high school came around, the teasing had slowed, but the inner echo hadn’t. The real bully had moved in — the one in her own head, whispering criticism, reminding her that she would never truly fit.

Years passed with that voice still present — sometimes loud, sometimes buried — but always humming beneath the surface. Self-deprecating humor became armor. Downplaying her culture became a habit. That’s how protection looked back then: don’t give anyone anything to use against you.

And yet… somewhere, a quiet hope remained. A desire not just to survive, but to feel whole.

College was a turning point. A new environment, new friends, new energy. For the first time, there was space to start over — and space to feel seen. But true healing required more than fresh surroundings. It required facing the old wounds directly. And that meant therapy.

Inside that room, the eleven-year-old who was mocked and humiliated was finally acknowledged. The pain wasn’t dismissed, but gently unpacked. There was no rush to fix it — just permission to feel it, understand it, and let it be witnessed.

And in that slow unraveling, something sacred happened. The voice of the bully lost its power. The armor began to crack — not in defeat, but in invitation. Beneath all that shame was someone worthy of being known.

Embracing her Vietnamese heritage didn’t come all at once, but each small step — a recipe tried, a memory honored, a story shared — stitched something back together. Living in California helped. The diversity, the openness, the sense of community — it all offered a kind of quiet permission to show up fully.

Love, too, played its part. A partner who saw her completely. A relationship where she didn’t need to shrink or explain. Just be. And be celebrated.

And then — years after those middle school hallways — forgiveness arrived.

It didn’t look like a grand gesture or a dramatic confrontation. It was simple. A moment online, a glance at the face of the boy who once caused so much pain. And no more anger. No more bitterness. Just release.

Forgiveness wasn’t a gift to him. It was a reclamation. A quiet rebellion against the narrative that once said she was less than. The weight lifted not because he deserved it, but because she did.

Returning to her hometown recently, something was different. The faces, the streets — they hadn’t changed much. But she had. The past no longer held the same grip. There was a softness where there had once been fear. A wholeness where there had once been shame.

The little girl who once sat in silence, trying to disappear, had become a woman who could look in the mirror with love. Not because the past didn’t matter. But because she mattered more.

This is what healing can look like — messy, non-linear, often invisible to others. But profoundly liberating. And deeply human.

Related Reads: How To Listen to Yourself and Let Go of the Past, Self-Love: What It Really Means and How to Cultivate it in Your Everyday Life, Understanding Emotions: The Key to Personal Growth and Healing

Resources If you’d like to learn more about bullying and its effects, check out these links:

• Anti-Bullying Alliance: Our Definition of Bullying
• New York Times: Effects of Bullying Last Into Adulthood, Study Finds

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