What If the Thing You Lost Was Making Room for Something Better? Have you ever experienced something that felt devastating in the moment? A breakup. The loss of a job. A rejection. A missed opportunity. A dream that never came to fruition. When life doesn’t go according to plan, it’s easy to fall into self-blame. We tell ourselves stories like: Our minds naturally search for explanations when we’re hurting, and often the easiest explanation is to assume we’ve done something wrong. But what if there’s more to the story? Sometimes we can’t see the full picture while we’re standing in the middle of it. We only see the closed door,…
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Introduction: The Moment You Realize You’ve Changed Have you ever looked in the mirror and realized you don’t recognize yourself – not because you’re lost, but because you’ve grown? Transformation can happen in all kinds of ways. A lot of the time, it happens quietly and slowly, and then one day you realize the transformation has already taken place. Before anyone else notices that the way you think has changed, that you’re more in touch with your values, more aligned with your boundaries, or that your relationship with yourself has shifted, you feel all of that happening. And eventually, the outside starts reflecting the inside. Before I started my healing…
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Introduction: The Voice We Often Ignore Have you ever had the feeling that something was or wasn’t right? Maybe you met your partner and just knew they were the one for you. On the flip side, maybe you met someone and immediately got the feeling that you should avoid that person. Maybe you had a strange urge to merge into a different lane, and at that exact moment the car next to you moved into the space you had just created. Once, I was on a road trip and we pulled off to the side of the road to rest. Something told me to leave the car running, so I…
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Introduction: When You Ask Everyone Else What to Do Have you ever asked so many people for advice that you ended up feeling further away from the answer than when you started? When I was growing up, I doubted myself quite a bit. Whenever it came to making a decision, or feeling at peace with a decision I had made – I would become anxious and fearful. Rather than taking a moment to pause and tune in with myself, I would immediately ask those around me for their opinion. I wanted to get validation for my actions from external sources, thinking maybe they knew something (about my situation) or that…
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The Empty Plate I recently went out to dinner for my friend’s birthday. A small group of us got together, we had been looking forward to celebrating with her ever since the plans were made. She was so excited to go to dinner at a really cute little restaurant in her area. At dinner, we all had a really nice time. The conversation was great, the food was delicious and the service was good as well. At the end of our enjoyable dinner, however, we were met with an unexpected moment. The server, who had been perfectly fine all evening, brought over an empty plate with a single candle on…
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The Feeling of Being Behind There seems to be a lot of talk around being behind in life. A lot of us feel like we should be in a different place in life, other than where we are right now. Have you ever felt like you should have your career figured out by now? Maybe you thought you’d own a home, or be married, or have children by now. It’s easy to compare ourselves to what others present to the world and perhaps doubt ourselves and our timing. We might judge ourselves and feel we should be making more money, or have everything all figured out. If you can relate…
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The Internal Debate What do you do when your friends invite you to go out, but staying in and relaxing on the couch sounds so much better? It can be a real dilemma. A lot of times, what happens for me is that I’ll make plans about a week out, and then when the day arrives, I’m so tired that I regret committing to plans that sounded like a good idea at the time. You know the feeling. You’re invited to a dinner party or an outing with friends – people you genuinely like, and you know you’d have a nice time, but it’s been a long week. You’re tired.…
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When Believing in Yourself Feels Hardest We’ve all been there – the wave of disappointment, bouts of uncertainty and the fear that comes with it, or even heartbreak that changed everything. Life throws a lot at us sometimes, and it’s not always easy. When I was in the thick of my healing journey, perhaps what some might call my “dark night of the soul,” I didn’t know which way was up. It felt like I was walking in a completely pitch-black room, and my steps would light up as I took them, no more, no less. This test called for a lot of self-trust and a strong belief in myself.…
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Sometimes it seems that we diagnose someone else as being insecure, as if it’s a jab. Under the right circumstances our ego might take the wheel and call that other person insecure – as if by comparison, self-doubt doesn’t apply to everyone. However, when we are the ones experiencing uncertainty, it’s easy to find reasons to feel worse and fall deeper into victim thinking. Let’s talk about where self-doubt come from, and how to build real self-esteem. Needing external validation is a learned thing, absorbed over years like secondhand smoke. And just like smoke, it clouds everything – how you see yourself, how you move through the world, and how you…
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We all want to be accepted by the group, included, and made to feel like we matter. It’s part of our evolution; at one point not being accepted by the group meant you lost safety and would likely get eaten by something. Now, the consequences aren’t so dire, but we still want to be accepted. It seems like sometimes there’s almost an unspoken idea that the more liked you are, the more value you have. For those of us who learned to attune to others early, or learned connection through caretaking, being liked by the group may feel specifically important. We may expect approval as a necessity. Check out Stop…
