The Exhaustion of “Fixing” It’s so common to feel like something is “wrong” with you. The idea that we aren’t good enough has been marketed to us our whole lives. Other people project their insecurities onto you and make you question yourself. Someone who doesn’t know how to express themselves makes you think you are lacking in some way. There are a lot of things that separate us from who we are – from infancy all the way until now. Self-development is great. I would say it’s actually quite important. However, there is a difference between growing as a person versus constantly trying to fix something about yourself. If you…
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Why Rejection Feels So Personal When we think about rejection, we usually focus on the pain of the rejection itself. Some of us think of rejection as the sting of being told “no”, or not being included in the group. However, if you zoom out a little bit, there is more to it. Many folks respond differently to rejection, yet an underlying feeling for many of us is panic around the question, “What does this outcome mean to me?” It could be, that you actually aren’t as worried about being rejected as you are trying to stay connected to the outcome you were expecting. You might ask yourself, “Why does…
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The Myth That Closure Comes From Resolution I think many of us are taught in some form or another that closure comes when we get justice. We’re taught that after there’s a resolution, an understanding, a conversation, or some type of acknowledgment – that’s when closure happens. That would be the justice version of closure that’s nice and complete. This version has a clear beginning and end point, and it happens when an injustice is later addressed. In real life, however, we don’t always get remedies. People oftentimes don’t acknowledge what they did, and at some point you realize you’re responsible for your own peace. Finding resolution doesn’t always arrive…
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The Myth of Closure When someone hurts us, we want an explanation. We want them to tell us why they did it, or how they feel. Sometimes, after an event, we get stuck trying to figure it out. We might spend hours ruminating, replaying conversations, and trying to pinpoint exactly the moment that things ‘went wrong’. It can feel like life is happening to us, rather than for us. What I’ve noticed is that the closure we’re looking for, that answer, that magic moment when everything suddenly becomes okay – it’s something you create for yourself. Closure is something you choose; closure is a boundary. You can want closure about…
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Why Emotional Regulation Matters Emotional regulation isn’t just “keeping calm, and carrying on”. It’s noticing how you are feeling, and navigating your way through those emotions intentionally. Have you ever caught yourself thinking, Why do I overreact to everything? Or wondering why, when things pile up, you either shut down completely or feel like your emotions are suddenly way bigger than the moment calls for? Maybe you’ve asked yourself how to stay calm when you’re triggered, or why small things seem to set you off even when you’re doing “all the right work.” Or maybe the question is simpler than all of that: Why do I feel so emotionally exhausted,…
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Boundaries and Real Life Practice Boundaries are about how you live your life. It’s a true statement. Before I even knew what boundaries were, I realized that I sort of just floated through my life and reacted to whatever felt the least threatening. I was afraid of everything, and I desperately wanted to know that I belonged to the group. In fact, I thought for the longest time that being rejected from the group was possibly the worst thing that could happen. After understanding my boundaries, it’s almost become fun to think about things and what my boundaries are around them. Knowing my boundaries means I know myself; I know…
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Inner Knowing as an Innate Relationship How do you feel about your own judgment? Do you trust yourself to make decisions based on your values and alignment? How do you weigh that decision? If you’re anything like me, you’re on this journey with no idea what you’re doing. It’s okay – we are all doing our best. We do our best to live our lives in a way that we feel is acceptable. We use our best judgment and hope for the best – but when did “hoping for the best” become good enough? Whatever happened to our own inner sense of knowing, and having that be good enough? You…
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When Self-Trust Stops Being Theoretical Self-trust isn’t something you decide you have. It’s not something you can fake. And once you’ve built a foundation of self-trust, it doesn’t require constant effort – it shows up on its own. You see it most clearly in moments where there’s no applause. No validation. No reassurance that you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes doing what’s best for you – standing up for what you believe in and holding firm in your values – can feel incredibly lonely. But those are the moments that reveal how deeply you trust yourself. Having the courage to stand alone when it feels like everyone else is on…
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Self-Trust Isn’t Built From Certainty Self-trust is one of those qualities we’re told we need to have. I remember when I first started doing affirmations, one of the things I wrote down — hoping that one day I would actually mean it — was I trust myself. I wanted that to be true, but I didn’t really know what it meant. We often believe that if we want to trust ourselves more, we need to feel more certain first. Maybe we need to be more confident in how we carry ourselves, or clearer in our decisions, or more grounded in our interactions with others — then we’ll have that trust…
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I was talking with someone the other day who was telling me about an interaction they had. They said, “I should’ve thought of that then. Now I’m going to be thinking about it all day.” Sometimes people do that. I’ve talked to a lot of people who replay conversations in their head, wishing they had said something differently, or imagining how they could’ve responded better. I’ve done this too. There are times when I’ve looked back at a conversation and thought it could’ve gone differently, or second-guessed a decision I made. Even something small — like changing your hair, loving it, and still asking friends or family for approval. We…
