Sometimes it seems that we diagnose someone else as being insecure, as if it’s a jab. Under the right circumstances our ego might take the wheel and call that other person insecure – as if by comparison, self-doubt doesn’t apply to everyone. However, when we are the ones experiencing uncertainty, it’s easy to find reasons to feel worse and fall deeper into victim thinking. Let’s talk about where self-doubt come from, and how to build real self-esteem. Needing external validation is a learned thing, absorbed over years like secondhand smoke. And just like smoke, it clouds everything – how you see yourself, how you move through the world, and how you…
-
-
Introduction: Looking Beneath the Surface I recently started a new job, and I really went into it with the idea that if I could have all of my questions and answers ready, I would be more prepared, more successful, and start doing really well right out of the gate. While I would soon realize that my expectations just needed to be managed with regard to time, I learned something here. Typically, it takes a long time for people to get started in my field, so I was actually on track as I was. As it happened, I wasn’t considering that a new hire is clearly going to be experiencing different…
-
Two Different Mornings Many of us start our day in a rush. It’s easy to hit snooze, and some of us just aren’t morning people. Sometimes the morning looks like waking up in a hurry after sleeping past your alarm, rushing to take a shower, halfway doing your hair, and getting somewhere at the last minute. Can you relate? For some of us, that’s just how the day starts. But what if you were more intentional about your mornings – about how you begin your day? The chaos of starting your morning in a rush echoes into the rest of your day. Not to mention, when you’re going about your…
-
Why Do I Overreact to Everything? Emotional regulation isn’t just “keeping calm, and carrying on”. It’s noticing how you are feeling, and navigating your way through those emotions intentionally. Have you ever caught yourself thinking, Why do I overreact to everything? Or wondering why, when things pile up, you either shut down completely or feel like your emotions are suddenly way bigger than the moment calls for? Maybe you’ve asked yourself how to stay calm when you’re triggered, or why small things seem to set you off even when you’re doing “all the right work.” Or maybe the question is simpler than all of that: Why do I feel so…
-
Inner Knowing as an Innate Relationship How do you feel about your own judgment? Do you trust yourself to make decisions based on your values and alignment? How do you weigh that decision? If you’re anything like me, you started this journey with no idea what you were doing. It’s okay – we are all doing our best. We try to live our lives in a way that we feel is acceptable. We use our best judgment and hope for the best – but when did “hoping for the best” become good enough? Whatever happened to our own inner sense of knowing, and having that be good enough? You were…
-
When Self-Trust Stops Being Just an Idea Self-trust isn’t something you decide you have. It’s not something you can fake. And once you’ve built a foundation of self-trust, it doesn’t require constant effort – it shows up on its own. You see it most clearly in moments where there’s no applause, no validation, no reassurance that you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes doing what’s best for you – standing up for what you believe in and holding firm in your values – can feel incredibly lonely. But those are the moments that reveal how deeply you trust yourself. Having the courage to stand alone when it feels like everyone else…
-
Self-Trust Isn’t Built From Certainty Self-trust is one of those qualities we might think we don’t need to have. I remember when I first started doing affirmations, one of the things I wrote down – hoping that one day I would actually mean it – was I trust myself. I wanted that to be true, but I didn’t really know what it meant. We often believe that if we want to trust ourselves more, we need to feel more certain first. Maybe we need to be more confident in how we carry ourselves, or clearer in our decisions, or more grounded in our interactions with others – then we’ll have…
-
I was talking with someone the other day who was telling me about an interaction they had. They said, “I should’ve thought of that then. Now I’m going to be thinking about it all day.” Sometimes people do that. I’ve talked to a lot of people who replay conversations in their head, wishing they had said something differently, or imagining how they could’ve responded better. I’ve done this too. There are times when I’ve looked back at how a conversation could’ve gone differently, or second-guessed a decision I made. Even small, personal decisions – like changing your hair, loving it, and still asking friends or family for approval. We might…
-
There have been many times when I felt angry and wanted to make a comment, yet I refrained. Sometimes it was a conscious choice, and sometimes there was a small voice in the back of my mind saying, don’t say that. Similar to Dealing with Difficult People: Don’t Give Them Your Energy, every time I listened to that voice and chose not to engage; it was a good call. Especially in stressful situations – for example, if someone is trying to provoke a reaction – giving yourself a moment to think before responding builds self-trust. Being present allows you to see yourself as separate from what’s happening. Building self-trust doesn’t…
-
When Emotions Feel Like Too Much I can recall several times in my life when I felt hijacked by my emotions. It could be anything – the pressure to succeed academically, to make the right career choices, or to know what I wanted to do with my life. In any case, I would sometimes become overwhelmed by what I was feeling. I remember when my therapist first told me to “sit with my emotions” – it was a brand-new concept for me. At the time, I didn’t even know how to identify my emotions, let alone allow myself to feel them, sit with them, or understand what they were trying…
