The Moment After Curiosity
So here we are. We have recognized that something feels off and explored the facts with curiosity. Now it’s time to be honest with ourselves. Here, we’ve reached the Truth step of the RETURN Method.
Being honest with ourselves about our own truth and our own responsibility is a natural next step. This type of honesty is very direct. It doesn’t need to be harsh or scary.
Acknowledging a truth that you might not like doesn’t have to be a confrontation. We can consider it to be data that we use moving forward.
Honesty is stabilizing. It’s not something that needs to be avoided. Being honest – especially with yourself – is one of the best choices you can make. Check out Qualities of a Great Leader
Being honest with yourself allows you to see the truth of the matter, which helps you choose your direction.
What Honesty Actually Means (and What It Doesn’t)
Honesty, particularly when relating to yourself, can be confused for a lot of other things. We want to be honest, factual, and direct with ourselves.
Below is a list of ways we can be honest with ourselves:
Accurate noticing – We can notice something about ourselves accurately and clearly, and that’s honesty. Being able to identify patterns is being honest with yourself. Check out Recognizing Patterns in Others
Clear naming – When we give our feelings, thoughts, and emotions a name, we’re being honest with ourselves.
Willing acknowledgment – Being honest with yourself means that you are willing to acknowledge truth, even if it is uncomfortable.
Emotional responsibility – This honesty is also an example of being emotionally responsible. All of your growth is directly related to how honest you are with yourself.
Being honest with yourself is not about making yourself feel bad, bringing about feelings of shame, or forcing conclusions when you don’t have all the information. Being honest with yourself is also not self-criticism or being harsh with yourself. Although we might say things from that place and it might seem honest, it’s not helpful. Check out Having Emotional Awareness Affects How You Feel About Yourself
Truth vs. Harshness
It’s so easy to be harsh on yourself. I personally have quite a history of being very hard on myself; not giving myself any credit, and not seeing myself accurately.
Harshness is not reality. It’s an optional way to look at yourself.
Harshness says things like:
“You’re a failure.”
“You should’ve known better.”
“You always do this.”
However, when you’re being honest with yourself, those comments can change to things like:
“That didn’t go how I had hoped.”
“I see what happened.”
“That decision doesn’t align with me.”
The truth helps us understand and is often an answer to harshness. We can also identify the truth because it generally feels steady to experience. There’s no feeling of exaggeration or uncertainty.
Harshness attacks identity. Truth describes reality.
Why People Avoid Being Honest With Themselves
If you avoid being honest with yourself, you’re not alone. A lot of people avoid being honest with themselves for many different reasons. I think it’s more of a fact, and a part of being human, rather than something to shame yourself for.
Sometimes being honest with yourself is difficult. Each one of the steps in the RETURN Method happens in its own time. Healing has no timeline. Having said that, sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself when you’re ready.
Sometimes people are afraid to be honest with themselves because of what they might find. They might find something about themselves that they don’t want to admit, but they also don’t want to feel obligated to act on. Maybe they don’t want to acknowledge anything different.
Sometimes people are afraid to be honest with themselves because they don’t want to change, or maybe they think they can’t.
Sometimes, whether real or perceived, being honest with yourself might look like something that could result in losing something. We might be afraid of losing someone’s approval. We might be afraid of losing resources or access. It takes courage to be honest anyway.
Many of us are this way because we learned survival strategies early in life. We might have learned not to be honest with ourselves because the illusion protected us from the pain of reality.
Form of Self-Protection, Not a Sign of Failure
If you’ve been avoiding the truth, it’s because some part of you believed it was helping you.
This isn’t something to be ashamed of. Our minds simply want to feel safe.
Sometimes the mind unconsciously hides truth to keep us safe emotionally. We might go through something and not realize that it even happened until later.
This might be more likely to happen when we experience something traumatic. Especially when we’re young, it’s hard for our minds to accept certain information, so it might mask it instead.
Or, if something happened more recently, our minds may choose to deny certain truths to try to feel more stable in the moment. It might also minimize, not allowing us to see the whole picture in an effort to keep from feeling overwhelmed.
What Becomes Possible When You Stop Negotiating With Yourself
This is the empowerment section.
When you stop bargaining with your own knowing, decisions become clearer. When you’re open to listening to yourself and allowing the truth to guide you, you are often led to your next step.
When you acknowledge your truth, you stop leaking energy into internal conflict. There’s no more back-and-forth, up and down, or uncertainty when you do this. Check out How Accountability Leads to Empowerment
Knowing who you are, where you stand, and being honest about that makes it easier to set boundaries. Setting boundaries becomes less about the other person’s response and more about honoring your own needs.
When you step into your truth, you might find that your anxiety decreases because you’re no longer questioning and resisting your reality.
Being honest with yourself and stepping into your truth is always a good idea. You learn how to trust yourself, too. Internal conflict is often just truth that needs to be acknowledged.
So..
What does it feel like to be honest with yourself?
It feels calm. It feels steady.
Stepping into your truth brings with it a sense of relief, even if the truth is hard to admit. Living your own truth is like recognizing yourself.
Closing Insight
Being honest with yourself and accepting the truth does not require or force action. It simply gives you an option.
Even though it can be hard to be honest with yourself, it doesn’t have to be viewed as a punishment. Remember that we are acknowledging these things about ourselves in order to move forward.
Self-honesty is an act of devotion. It brings you closer to yourself.
Keep an eye out for the next post The RETURN Method: Understand Your Needs, Patterns and Boundaries. In the meantime, check out the Related Reads and Sign Up for the NEWSLETTER below!
Related Reads:
Choose to Be Unafraid: Fear Is Only an Option,
Boundaries and Standards: How to Identify, Enforce, and Embrace What’s Best for You,
Your Most Important Relationship: The One You Have With Yourself,
Emotional Regulation – Learning How to Stay With Yourself,
Let Them Be Wrong About You
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