Introduction: Why Do We Feel the Need to Respond to Everything? How do you respond to instances where you feel that you may have been disrespected, or overlooked? Sometimes triggering events, no matter how small – make us feel that we need to do something about it. Maybe someone took your seat after you got up, maybe you heard someone say something that upset you. Many times, we have this automatic pull to explain, or defend ourselves. We might feel the need to correct the other person, so we can ensure they have the right view of us. We may be triggered to prove ourselves. Yet, if we take just…
-
-
Introduction: The Moment You Realize You Matter Too How often have you ignored your own needs because you were worried about how someone else would feel? We are so busy, all of us – we’ve got things to do, lists a mile long, and people depending on us. In fact, sometimes we are taught to prioritize things like being helpful, and ensuring we are available when someone needs us. We do everything we can to avoid disappointing people, or being difficult, or making anyone uncomfortable. Over time, some people become so focused on being there for everyone else that they forget to ask: Am I there for myself? Choosing yourself…
-
The Empty Plate I recently went out to dinner for my friend’s birthday. A small group of us got together, we had been looking forward to celebrating with her ever since the plans were made. She was so excited to go to dinner at a really cute little restaurant in her area. At dinner, we all had a really nice time. The conversation was great, the food was delicious and the service was good as well. At the end of our enjoyable dinner, however, we were met with an unexpected moment. The server, who had been perfectly fine all evening, brought over an empty plate with a single candle on…
-
When Believing in Yourself Feels Hardest We’ve all been there – the wave of disappointment, bouts of uncertainty and the fear that comes with it, or even heartbreak that changed everything. Life throws a lot at us sometimes, and it’s not always easy. When I was in the thick of my healing journey, perhaps what some might call my “dark night of the soul,” I didn’t know which way was up. It felt like I was walking in a completely pitch-black room, and my steps would light up as I took them, no more, no less. This test called for a lot of self-trust and a strong belief in myself.…
-
The Moment After Curiosity So here we are. We have recognized that something feels off and explored the facts with curiosity. Now it’s time to be honest with ourselves. Here, we’ve reached the Truth step of the RETURN Method. Being honest with ourselves about our own truth and our own responsibility is a natural next step. While this type of honesty is very direct, it doesn’t need to be harsh or scary. Acknowledging a truth that you might not like doesn’t have to be a confrontation. We can consider it to be data that we use moving forward. The truth is stabilizing. It’s not something that needs to be avoided.…
-
The Subtle Signal Most People Miss If you aren’t in tune with your body, you might miss the subtle cues it gives you. Your body tells you when it needs something; its always communicating with you. When we don’t understand ourselves well enough to recognize the signals within us, it can lead to challenges in other areas of life. Have you ever felt anxious and uncertain, only to realize you hadn’t eaten at all that day? Maybe you had a headache and then later remembered that you didn’t drink enough water. We might have days where something feels “off,” but we aren’t sure what it is. Sometimes we just accept…
-
Before getting to know myself, detachment was not something that was available to me. Realistically, detachment was something I had heard about on YouTube. I learned about the idea of it from Buddhism, but I had never felt this for myself or experienced the freedom that comes with it. It seems like the idea of detachment has several different interpretations among people. Some of us might feel uncomfortable with detachment because it means letting go. If we detach, do we not care? Does that mean we’re being cold? How will our detachment be perceived? Not to mention, detaching from someone or something also means letting go of control over the…
-
What Are Boundaries and Standards? For some of us, the concept of boundaries and standards might be a confusing topic. Some folks might be unsure of their boundaries, they might not know how to set them. They might not even really be clear on what their boundaries and standards are. Boundaries are more than just what someone is comfortable with. You can think of boundaries in the same way you think about the fence around a yard, the moat around a castle, and the walls of your home. Boundaries define what’s yours – they are the point where you end and someone else begins. Our boundaries protect our energy, they…
-
I was having a conversation with someone recently when they just started talking – and they didn’t stop for what seemed like a long time. I didn’t really know this person, and while they seemed nice, they just kept talking about themselves. They went on and on about what was going on in their personal life, and then went even deeper into their past, speaking about domestic violence and family drama. I’m okay with listening if someone needs to talk – I understand that sometimes people just need that. But it made me think about oversharing. I thought back to times when I’ve overshared, and other experiences I’ve had where…
-
When I was in sixth grade, I was bullied pretty severely. It happened on a daily basis, and it eroded everything about my self-esteem. My bully was an eleven-year-old boy who called me names and encouraged the other kids to taunt me. Many of them would join in. At that time, I didn’t know what to do or what to say, so I did my best to ignore it. By ignoring it, however, that meant he got away with more and more. This went on for the whole school year and eventually became normalized by the kids in my class. I don’t remember most of what was said, but I…
