Originally posted November 12, 2025 – Updated October 8, 2026 You can spend years learning how to love someone else, understanding what makes them tick, figuring out what upsets them, and adjusting how you communicate to make the relationship work. But how much time have you spent learning those same things about yourself? Do you know what makes you feel safe? What causes you to shut down? Why certain situations bring out reactions you don’t understand? Do you know what you need, what you want, and what happens when you repeatedly ignore those things? The longest relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Yet it’s often…
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Introduction: Why Do We Feel the Need to Respond to Everything? How do you respond to instances where you feel that you may have been disrespected, or overlooked? Sometimes triggering events, no matter how small – make us feel that we need to do something about it. Maybe someone took your seat after you got up, maybe you heard someone say something that upset you. Many times, we have this automatic pull to explain, or defend ourselves. We might feel the need to correct the other person, so we can ensure they have the right view of us. We may be triggered to prove ourselves. Yet, if we take just…
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Introduction: What If You Could Want Something Without Needing It? Have you ever wanted something so badly that it consumed you? Sometimes we can get caught up, and maybe even lose ourselves in things like a relationship, a job opportunity, or someone’s approval. We might find ourselves setting a goal, and then obsessing over that outcome; more specifically what we want that outcome to be. We may even become consumed by a version of our lives that we believe will finally make us happy, the idea of arriving. If you look back, you may notice that the more you wanted it, the more anxious you became. Oftentimes, the more pressure…
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The One Person You’re Always With Relationships require trust. Think about the people in your life that you trust the most. Why do you trust them? Usually it’s because of a combination of things. People who we view as trustworthy show up for us, they keep their word and they support us. These people make us feel safe, and they are consistent in our lives. Now, let’s turn that mirror on ourselves. Ask yourself: Do you offer yourself that same level of trust? Do you show up for yourself, rain or shine? Are you dedicated to your personal growth and happiness? The longest relationship you will ever have is the…
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When You Ask Everyone Else What to Do Have you ever asked so many people for advice that you ended up feeling further away from the answer than when you started? When I was growing up, I doubted myself quite a bit. Whenever it came to making a decision, or feeling at peace with a decision I had made – I would become anxious and fearful. Rather than taking a moment to pause and tune in with myself, I would immediately ask those around me for their opinion. I wanted to get validation for my actions from external sources, thinking maybe they knew something (about my situation) or that I…
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The Empty Plate I recently went out to dinner for my friend’s birthday. A small group of us got together, we had been looking forward to celebrating with her ever since the plans were made. She was so excited to go to dinner at a really cute little restaurant in her area. At dinner, we all had a really nice time. The conversation was great, the food was delicious and the service was good as well. At the end of our enjoyable dinner, however, we were met with an unexpected moment. The server, who had been perfectly fine all evening, brought over an empty plate with a single candle on…
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The Internal Debate What do you do when your friends invite you to go out, but staying in and relaxing on the couch sounds so much better? It can be a real dilemma. A lot of times, what happens for me is that I’ll make plans about a week out, and then when the day arrives, I’m so tired that I regret committing to plans that sounded like a good idea at the time. You know the feeling. You’re invited to a dinner party or an outing with friends – people you genuinely like, and you know you’d have a nice time, but it’s been a long week. You’re tired.…
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When Believing in Yourself Feels Hardest We’ve all been there – the wave of disappointment, bouts of uncertainty and the fear that comes with it, or even heartbreak that changed everything. Life throws a lot at us sometimes, and it’s not always easy. When I was in the thick of my healing journey, perhaps what some might call my “dark night of the soul,” I didn’t know which way was up. It felt like I was walking in a completely pitch-black room, and my steps would light up as I took them, no more, no less. This test called for a lot of self-trust and a strong belief in myself.…
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Sometimes it seems that we diagnose someone else as being insecure, as if it’s a jab. Under the right circumstances our ego might take the wheel and call that other person insecure – as if by comparison, self-doubt doesn’t apply to everyone. However, when we are the ones experiencing uncertainty, it’s easy to find reasons to feel worse and fall deeper into victim thinking. Let’s talk about where self-doubt come from, and how to build real self-esteem. Needing external validation is a learned thing, absorbed over years like secondhand smoke. And just like smoke, it clouds everything – how you see yourself, how you move through the world, and how you…
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Introduction: Looking Beneath the Surface I recently started a new job, and I really went into it with the idea that if I could have all of my questions and answers ready, I would be more prepared, more successful, and start doing really well right out of the gate. While I would soon realize that my expectations just needed to be managed with regard to time, I learned something here. Typically, it takes a long time for people to get started in my field, so I was actually on track as I was. As it happened, I wasn’t considering that a new hire is clearly going to be experiencing different…
