Introduction: Why Do We Feel the Need to Respond to Everything? How do you respond to instances where you feel that you may have been disrespected, or overlooked? Sometimes triggering events, no matter how small – make us feel that we need to do something about it. Maybe someone took your seat after you got up, maybe you heard someone say something that upset you. Many times, we have this automatic pull to explain, or defend ourselves. We might feel the need to correct the other person, so we can ensure they have the right view of us. We may be triggered to prove ourselves. Yet, if we take just…
-
-
The One Person You’re Always With Relationships require trust. Think about the people in your life that you trust the most. Why do you trust them? Usually it’s because of a combination of things. People who we view as trustworthy show up for us, they keep their word and they support us. These people make us feel safe, and they are consistent in our lives. Now, let’s turn that mirror on ourselves. Ask yourself: Do you offer yourself that same level of trust? Do you show up for yourself, rain or shine? Are you dedicated to your personal growth and happiness? The longest relationship you will ever have is the…
-
The Empty Plate I recently went out to dinner for my friend’s birthday. A small group of us got together, we had been looking forward to celebrating with her ever since the plans were made. She was so excited to go to dinner at a really cute little restaurant in her area. At dinner, we all had a really nice time. The conversation was great, the food was delicious and the service was good as well. At the end of our enjoyable dinner, however, we were met with an unexpected moment. The server, who had been perfectly fine all evening, brought over an empty plate with a single candle on…
-
The Internal Debate What do you do when your friends invite you to go out, but staying in and relaxing on the couch sounds so much better? It can be a real dilemma. A lot of times, what happens for me is that I’ll make plans about a week out, and then when the day arrives, I’m so tired that I regret committing to plans that sounded like a good idea at the time. You know the feeling. You’re invited to a dinner party or an outing with friends – people you genuinely like, and you know you’d have a nice time, but it’s been a long week. You’re tired.…
-
When Believing in Yourself Feels Hardest We’ve all been there – the wave of disappointment, bouts of uncertainty and the fear that comes with it, or even heartbreak that changed everything. Life throws a lot at us sometimes, and it’s not always easy. When I was in the thick of my healing journey, perhaps what some might call my “dark night of the soul,” I didn’t know which way was up. It felt like I was walking in a completely pitch-black room, and my steps would light up as I took them, no more, no less. This test called for a lot of self-trust and a strong belief in myself.…
-
Introduction: Looking Beneath the Surface I recently started a new job, and I really went into it with the idea that if I could have all of my questions and answers ready, I would be more prepared, more successful, and start doing really well right out of the gate. While I would soon realize that my expectations just needed to be managed with regard to time, I learned something here. Typically, it takes a long time for people to get started in my field, so I was actually on track as I was. As it happened, I wasn’t considering that a new hire is clearly going to be experiencing different…
-
I’ve talked to a lot of people who would consider themselves ‘people-pleasers’. If you can relate, you might already know that it’s exhausting, lonely and never ending. People-pleasing is deeper than the desire for attention or approval, the desire to people-please is a message that there are parts of you that need to heal. For many of us, constantly tending to other people’s emotions, and keeping tabs on how they feel is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism. We learned this early on in life to stay safe, feel enough, or avoid rejection. More often than not, this pattern stems all the way back to childhood experiences of trauma and emotional…
-
When Your Center Moves Back to You Eventually, there comes a point in our healing when we realize that the things happening outside of ourselves are much less important than what’s going on, on the inside. When we detach and begin focusing on our own well-being first, our center moves back to us. In my last post on healthy detachment – Healthy Detachment – What It Is (and What It Isn’t) – we explored what healthy detachment actually means and how it creates emotional space for what’s important to you. What’s interesting is what begins to change once you start putting that understanding into practice in real life. Your internal…
-
The Strange Fear of Letting Go Overthinking is the worst. It takes up your time and valuable space in your mind. Sometimes we get in our heads over the most insignificant thing – and it can run away with us. What if something bad happens? What if this happens? What if that happens? If we struggle with worry and overthinking, we often resort to the worst-case scenario almost instantly. Maybe for some of us, we ruminate for days or more on the same subject. We might think about every possible outcome until we’re sure we’ve thought of everything. Being in worry makes us feel like we’re doing something. Sometimes worrying…
-
There’s always something to do. There’s always somewhere to be, something that needs your attention. With busy schedules, work, school, house repairs, and other life responsibilities, there’s always the temptation to just “push through” the mental stress and keep going. You’re expected to keep going, meet your responsibilities, tend to your relationships, and improve yourself physically and mentally. That’s a lot. Don’t forget to rest. Taking time for yourself, being comfortable, and allowing your nervous system the opportunity to calm down is just as – if not more – important than getting all of those other things done. Check out Slow Down: How to Stay Present When Life is Busy …
