Introduction: What If You Could Want Something Without Needing It? Have you ever wanted something so badly that it consumed you? Sometimes we can get caught up, and maybe even lose ourselves in things like a relationship, a job opportunity, or someone’s approval. We might find ourselves setting a goal, and then obsessing over that outcome; more specifically what we want that outcome to be. We may even become consumed by a version of our lives that we believe will finally make us happy, the idea of arriving. If you look back, you may notice that the more you wanted it, the more anxious you became. Oftentimes, the more pressure…
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Introduction: The Moment You Realize You Matter Too How often have you ignored your own needs because you were worried about how someone else would feel? We are so busy, all of us – we’ve got things to do, lists a mile long, and people depending on us. In fact, sometimes we are taught to prioritize things like being helpful, and ensuring we are available when someone needs us. We do everything we can to avoid disappointing people, or being difficult, or making anyone uncomfortable. Over time, some people become so focused on being there for everyone else that they forget to ask: Am I there for myself? Choosing yourself…
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The Empty Plate I recently went out to dinner for my friend’s birthday. A small group of us got together, we had been looking forward to celebrating with her ever since the plans were made. She was so excited to go to dinner at a really cute little restaurant in her area. At dinner, we all had a really nice time. The conversation was great, the food was delicious and the service was good as well. At the end of our enjoyable dinner, however, we were met with an unexpected moment. The server, who had been perfectly fine all evening, brought over an empty plate with a single candle on…
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The Internal Debate What do you do when your friends invite you to go out, but staying in and relaxing on the couch sounds so much better? It can be a real dilemma. A lot of times, what happens for me is that I’ll make plans about a week out, and then when the day arrives, I’m so tired that I regret committing to plans that sounded like a good idea at the time. You know the feeling. You’re invited to a dinner party or an outing with friends – people you genuinely like, and you know you’d have a nice time, but it’s been a long week. You’re tired.…
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When Believing in Yourself Feels Hardest We’ve all been there – the wave of disappointment, bouts of uncertainty and the fear that comes with it, or even heartbreak that changed everything. Life throws a lot at us sometimes, and it’s not always easy. When I was in the thick of my healing journey, perhaps what some might call my “dark night of the soul,” I didn’t know which way was up. It felt like I was walking in a completely pitch-black room, and my steps would light up as I took them, no more, no less. This test called for a lot of self-trust and a strong belief in myself.…
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How do you normally react when someone tries to push your buttons? Do you immediately feel your heart rate increase and roll up your sleeves? Or, do you take a moment to pause, and think about how you would like to respond? What if you withdrew your energy altogether and chose to be unbothered? Today, we are going to discuss healthy detachment. You can think of this in action, as pulling your energy back from a person or situation. No big exit, no heads up – just quietly reclaiming your power. We’ll also talk about what happens on the other side of that energetic shift. Does the other person feel…
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When Your Center Moves Back to You Eventually, there comes a point in our healing when we realize that the things happening outside of ourselves are much less important than what’s going on, on the inside. When we detach and begin focusing on our own well-being first, our center moves back to us. In my last post on healthy detachment – Healthy Detachment – What It Is (and What It Isn’t) – we explored what healthy detachment actually means and how it creates emotional space for what’s important to you. What’s interesting is what begins to change once you start putting that understanding into practice in real life. Your internal…
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The Myth That Closure Comes From Resolution I think many of us are taught in some form or another that closure comes when we get justice. We’re taught that after there’s a resolution, an understanding, a conversation, or some type of acknowledgment – that’s when closure happens. That would be the justice version of closure that’s nice and complete. This version has a clear beginning and end point, and it happens when an injustice is later addressed. In real life, however, we don’t always get remedies. People oftentimes don’t acknowledge what they did, and at some point you realize you’re responsible for your own peace. Finding resolution doesn’t always arrive…
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Boundaries and Real Life Practice Boundaries determine how you show up in your life. Before I even knew what boundaries were, I realized that I sort of just floated through my life and reacted to whatever felt the least threatening. I was afraid of everything, and I desperately wanted to know that I belonged to the group. In fact, I thought for the longest time that being rejected from the group was possibly the worst thing that could happen. Check out Not Everyone Is for You: Letting Go of the Need for Approval After understanding my boundaries, it’s almost become fun to think about things and what my boundaries are…
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When Self-Trust Stops Being Just an Idea Self-trust isn’t something you decide you have. It’s not something you can fake. And once you’ve built a foundation of self-trust, it doesn’t require constant effort – it shows up on its own. You see it most clearly in moments where there’s no applause, no validation, no reassurance that you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes doing what’s best for you – standing up for what you believe in and holding firm in your values – can feel incredibly lonely. But those are the moments that reveal how deeply you trust yourself. Having the courage to stand alone when it feels like everyone else…
