Self-Trust Isn’t Built From Certainty Self-trust is one of those qualities we might think we don’t need to have. I remember when I first started doing affirmations, one of the things I wrote down – hoping that one day I would actually mean it – was I trust myself. I wanted that to be true, but I didn’t really know what it meant. We often believe that if we want to trust ourselves more, we need to feel more certain first. Maybe we need to be more confident in how we carry ourselves, or clearer in our decisions, or more grounded in our interactions with others – then we’ll have…
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I was talking with someone the other day who was telling me about an interaction they had. They said, “I should’ve thought of that then. Now I’m going to be thinking about it all day.” Sometimes people do that. I’ve talked to a lot of people who replay conversations in their head, wishing they had said something differently, or imagining how they could’ve responded better. I’ve done this too. There are times when I’ve looked back at how a conversation could’ve gone differently, or second-guessed a decision I made. Even small, personal decisions – like changing your hair, loving it, and still asking friends or family for approval. We might…
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There have been many times when I felt angry and wanted to make a comment, yet I refrained. Sometimes it was a conscious choice, and sometimes there was a small voice in the back of my mind saying, don’t say that. Similar to Dealing with Difficult People: Don’t Give Them Your Energy, every time I listened to that voice and chose not to engage; it was a good call. Especially in stressful situations – for example, if someone is trying to provoke a reaction – giving yourself a moment to think before responding builds self-trust. Being present allows you to see yourself as separate from what’s happening. Building self-trust doesn’t…
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When Emotions Feel Like Too Much I can recall several times in my life when I felt hijacked by my emotions. It could be anything – the pressure to succeed academically, to make the right career choices, or to know what I wanted to do with my life. In any case, I would sometimes become overwhelmed by what I was feeling. I remember when my therapist first told me to “sit with my emotions” – it was a brand-new concept for me. At the time, I didn’t even know how to identify my emotions, let alone allow myself to feel them, sit with them, or understand what they were trying…
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What Are Boundaries and Standards? For some of us, the concept of boundaries and standards might be a confusing topic. Some folks might be unsure of their boundaries, they might not know how to set them. They might not even really be clear on what their boundaries and standards are. Boundaries are more than just what someone is comfortable with. You can think of boundaries in the same way you think about the fence around a yard, the moat around a castle, and the walls of your home. Boundaries define what’s yours – they are the point where you end and someone else begins. Our boundaries protect our energy, they…
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I was once told that people come into your life as you need them, and they exit your life as you don’t. When we talk about friendship, it’s usually framed as something that should last a lifetime – but rarely do we acknowledge the seasons that come with it. In most cases, forever isn’t how it goes. Throughout my life, I have made and lost many friends. Some I thought would be there for the long haul; others left over the smallest details. Often, I found myself wondering why it happened, feeling sad, internalizing their actions, and holding onto bitterness for a while. As life would have it, friends don’t…
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I was with a couple of friends recently. They were talking about some home renovations they were making, when one asked the other, “What if so-and-so moved in next to you?”. Without missing a beat, my friend replied, “I would move.” They both laughed at the idea, and then the one responded with, “Wow, they have a lot of power over you.” I thought about that quite a bit. What does it mean to let someone have power over you? I’ve actually heard that phrase all throughout my life. From middle school, to college and even in my adult life. Some advice that’s been consistently given to me is “don’t…
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I took myself to a solo lunch the other day. As I sat there waiting for my food, I played a little game with myself. In this game, I would observe the people around me, and whenever someone inspired me, I’d create a story for them. I’d decide where they were from, how long they’d lived in the area, what their dreams and aspirations might be, what their concerns might be, and how they were connected to the restaurant I was in. Of course, it was all made up in my head. The point of the exercise was to remind myself that other people have their own thoughts and emotions…
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People want certainty. It’s human to want to label and compartmentalize things in our minds so we can feel safe. If we meet someone new, we might call them a friend. Upon trying a new restaurant, we decide if we like it or not. When we go to a new place, we’ll find ways to describe it in relation to places we’ve been. A lot of times, when we make a new decision or feel a new pull, we tend to rush to define it. Whether we’re taking up a new hobby or meeting a potential partner, it’s easy to want to label and categorize our experience quickly. The thing…
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So many of us feel like we should be going to the gym. Maybe we want to go, maybe we have health goals – but simply getting started can be tough. Our fitness journey, like any other, will have ups and downs. That’s normal. What’s more important is our mindset behind exercise, and the awareness of how we want to show up for ourselves. Personally, I exercise not just for my body, but for my mind – probably 90% of the reason I move my body is for my mental health. Whether it’s yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, swimming, or even walking, movement helps regulate my nervous system, ease anxiety, and…
