The Feeling of Being Behind
There seems to be a lot of talk around being behind in life. A lot of us feel like we should be in a different place in life, other than where we are right now.
Have you ever felt like you should have your career figured out by now?
Maybe you thought you’d own a home, or be married, or have children by now.
It’s easy to compare ourselves to what others present to the world and perhaps doubt ourselves and our timing. We might judge ourselves and feel we should be making more money, or have everything all figured out.
If you can relate to any of that, you’re not alone.
Many people in their late 20’s, and early 30’s feel this way – even if they might not talk about it.
Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the belief that by a certain age we were supposed to have “arrived.”
Who Created This Timeline Anyway?
We apparently are all living by some antiquated, unspoken rules about where we should be in life at any given age. Where did this come from?
Our parents may have expectations for us. Even though they only want the best, they might ask us questions about our romantic lives or job performance. I have a friend who is also in sales and her mother asks her every time they talk – “did you make a sale today?”.
Her mom is only trying to help, she’s concerned and wants the best for her daughter – but constantly asking her if she is successful might not be the best way to go about doing that.
Social media puts pressure on us to “live our best lives”. When you take a look at any given person’s instagram and see perfect, choreographed photos, it’s easy to question your own life.
When you see the girl you work with looking off into the distance with the white and blue buildings of Santorini behind her, it might make you wonder if your vacations are up to par.
You might see people you know from college starting a family and moving into their second home, and ask yourself when you are going to be doing these things.
Society puts pressure on us too, to keep up, have nice things, be everything to everyone, and also have a healthy mental and emotional health – easy peasy, right?
Then there might be cultural expectations. Some families expect perfection with regards to grades, and then a high paying job right after college. You may have come from a cultural family that sees success in their child’s ability to go to a good school, get perfect grades and then become some sort of doctor or lawyer.
Previous generations did things a certain way, and while thankfully a lot of the unhelpful old ways are dying out – there’s still that expectation that you go to school, get a good job, get married, buy a house, and have a family.
That’s nice, and it’s not a bad life path. It works for some, it’s just not everyone’s life path.
Now, in the present day, things have changed.
For instance,we are now living in a different economy. The options for jobs are different, and the expectations for what job you may want or have has changed also. Now, we tend to value a healthy work-life balance, we want to avoid burnout, and we want to do what makes us happy and gives us purpose.
There are a lot of factors to consider when you think about where you are in life and what you’re doing; different levels, different facets, and different reasons.
Who told you that success had to happen by a certain age?
What actually is your definition of success?
Are you living by your definition or someone else’s?
Sometimes when it comes to feeling behind in life, we judge ourselves against a timeline we didn’t actually choose.
The Illusion That Everyone Else Has It Figured Out
If all you do is look at social media highlights, there’s a chance you could be believing more of a fairytale than someone’s actual life. We all know that people spend a lot of time and effort in taking the perfect photos for their instagram, and only ever show the best parts.
Remember, however – we’re all human. And we’re all just doing our best.
Everyone has doubts. Even the person you might be thinking of that just bought a house, or had a baby, they don’t have it all figured out.
Eventually we realize that life is a series of choices, a series of steps – and each of our journeys are different.
The people you think have it all figured out are often figuring it out as they go along too.
My Own Experience With Starting Over
I recently changed jobs. I moved from a very secure position of almost seven years, to a new job.
My old place of work employment even tried to make it less appealing to leave, they told their employees if they ever left, they couldn’t come back.
But I wasn’t happy there, and I really can’t see myself wanting to go back.
So I made the jump.
I saw an opening that seemed more promising, had a shorter commute and much more flexibility. It’s a really great opportunity and I’m so happy to be there – moving on was a good choice, the right one for me.
It was the right choice, but it wasn’t an easy one.
I had spent almost seven years working for one of the biggest companies on the planet, gaining knowledge and experience and enjoying the security and benefits that came along with it.
Then, one day I decided to leave because I wasn’t happy? Because I wanted a better work-life balance?
Are those really good enough reasons to leave something that has provided so much security to me for so long?
Yes, they absolutely are.
I wasn’t sure how things would go at my new job, and as of this writing, I’m actually still watching that unfold.
The thing that helps me continue on this path and keep my eye on the prize of a healthy, happy life – is believing that I can do it.
I’m really happy that I made the move, as scary as it was.
Growth is often accompanied by uncertainty. You don’t always get full clarity and then the choice to move. Oftentimes, clarity comes after the first step.
I didn’t make the move because I knew exactly how everything would work out. I made it because I knew staying was no longer aligned with what was best for me.
Not Knowing Is Part of Life
We all feel uncertain sometimes. And if you’re uncertain right now, I can tell you with certainty – that this won’t be the last time.
Funny isn’t it?
I once heard that you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and it’s not bad advice.
Sometimes it feels like we are supposed to know every step to take, and have it all figured out. The reality is, nobody knows what’s coming next.
Life isn’t mapped out for any of us and it’s not meant to be. That’s how we learn; growth often happens in seasons of uncertainty.
Sometimes fear can be the most powerful modality for growth, and learning.
On our journey towards “figuring it out”, sometimes we can’t see the next step. But we must trust ourselves to step forward anyway.
It’s on the other side of that uncertainty that we find new opportunities, new experiences, and new versions of ourselves.
There Is No Finish Line
I think it would be completely fine if we did away with the idea of living according to someone else’s timeline.
There isn’t a point where life suddenly becomes complete and all the questions disappear.
You’ll get there when you get there, in your own time.
People make changes at all stages of life.
You can change careers at 40, 50, even 60 years old, if you wanted to.
We evolve over time, and that extends out to all areas of our lives.
Many of us find love, or discover our passions later in life.
We can reinvent ourselves as many times as we need to. After all, it is your life – you are responsible to yourself to live it authentically in a way that makes you fulfilled.
You’re not supposed to have your entire life figured out by 35. You’re supposed to be living it.
What If You’re Right On Time?
What if you’re exactly where you need to be?
What if this season of your life is preparing you for your next step?
Have you ever thought about how necessary the lessons we learn actually are?
Let’s try to look at ourselves with a little compassion. You’re doing your best. You don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.
Your life is meant to be lived in a way that makes you happy – not someone else. Other people have their own challenges and lessons to learn, separate from you.
They make their decisions in a way that best serves them and their families, not you.
So maybe now is the time to stop measuring your progress against someone else’s timeline.
Conclusion: Trust Your Own Path
You’re not behind. You’re right on time, your time.
You’re still growing and learning and becoming.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to start over.
You are allowed to leave a good job, and defy an institution that actively tries to keep you in it.
Life isn’t a race to see who can arrive first. It’s an experience meant to be lived. Some chapters will be clear, and some will be uncertain. Some seasons will require courage, and some will require patience. But none of that means you’re behind. It simply means you’re living a human life.
Keep taking the next step. You don’t need to see the entire staircase to move forward.
Related Reads:
Boundaries and Standards: How to Identify, Enforce, and Embrace What’s Best for You,
Make Sure They Bring Value,
Let People Show You Who They Are,
It’s Your Show – The Reality of Main Character Energy
Resources If you’d like to learn more about closure, check out these links:
- Psychology Today: The Truth About Getting Closure
- Forbes: Why Your Brain Loves Closure Even When It’s a Lie – By a Psychologist
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