The Feeling of Being Behind There seems to be a lot of talk around being behind in life. A lot of us feel like we should be in a different place in life, other than where we are right now. Have you ever felt like you should have your career figured out by now? Maybe you thought you’d own a home, or be married, or have children by now. It’s easy to compare ourselves to what others present to the world and perhaps doubt ourselves and our timing. We might judge ourselves and feel we should be making more money, or have everything all figured out. If you can relate…
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We all want to be accepted by the group, included, and made to feel like we matter. It’s part of our evolution; at one point not being accepted by the group meant you lost safety and would likely get eaten by something. Now, the consequences aren’t so dire, but we still want to be accepted. It seems like sometimes there’s almost an unspoken idea that the more liked you are, the more value you have. For those of us who learned to attune to others early, or learned connection through caretaking, being liked by the group may feel specifically important. We may expect approval as a necessity. Check out Stop…
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Authenticity Requires Consistency After Recognizing what feels off, Exploring the facts with curiosity, telling yourself the Truth, Understanding your patterns and needs, and Reclaiming the narrative of your own story – this is what comes next: you move forward differently. You make decisions from alignment instead of fear. That’s what it means to Navigate your life authentically. In the last step of the RETURN Method, we are free to move forward in our lives and live from a place of authenticity. That sounds exciting and rewarding, but what exactly does it mean to Navigate Your Life Authentically? What is it actually like? Most people value authenticity in theory but struggle…
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The Story You’ve Been Told vs. the Story You Choose Everyone tells themselves a story about their own lives. We all carry around a story of who we are and how we got that way. A lot of those stories were written when we were little, oftentimes during moments that felt bad and made us feel like we weren’t enough. Being bullied when you’re in middle school may have taught you that you needed to prove yourself, that you needed to maintain a certain image in order to have value. You may have created this narrative around an isolated, yet ongoing, event that happened and had nothing to do with…
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The Myth That Closure Comes From Resolution I think many of us are taught in some form or another that closure comes when we get justice. We’re taught that after there’s a resolution, an understanding, a conversation, or some type of acknowledgment – that’s when closure happens. That would be the justice version of closure that’s nice and complete. This version has a clear beginning and end point, and it happens when an injustice is later addressed. In real life, however, we don’t always get remedies. People oftentimes don’t acknowledge what they did, and at some point you realize you’re responsible for your own peace. Finding resolution doesn’t always arrive…
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The Myth of Closure When someone hurts us, we want an explanation. We want them to tell us why they did it, or how they feel. Sometimes, after an event, we get stuck trying to figure it out. We might spend hours ruminating, replaying conversations, and trying to pinpoint exactly the moment that things ‘went wrong’. It can feel like life is happening to us, rather than for us. What I’ve noticed is that the closure we’re looking for, that answer, that magic moment when everything suddenly becomes okay – it’s something you create for yourself. Closure is something you choose; closure is a boundary. You can want closure about…
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Have you ever been in a group setting, and everyone is chatting, and the atmosphere is light – and then enter that one person who just can’t read a room? This person stands out like a sore thumb, energetically. They are up when everyone else is down, down when everyone else is up. Bringing up a conversation that ended, not that long ago – with the same content. Typically this person makes the air a little awkward, or otherwise uncomfortable for everyone around. It’s almost as if you want to get their attention and say something like “Hey! Look around!” because nothing they’re doing or saying is in alignment with…
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It’s almost like before we begin healing, we’re one person, and after healing, we become someone entirely new. Not in personality or essence, but in how we see. This is a shift that is both natural and necessary. When you’re still hurting, it’s easy to move through life wearing a filter that distorts reality just enough to protect your heart. However, healing sparks clarity; it removes that filter; and what you begin to see might surprise you. You start to feel a new kind of peace – one that doesn’t depend on how others behave. That freedom allows you to notice things you hadn’t before: the subtle ways people take,…
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When we imagine healing, many of us picture something soft. We might expect lightness, peace, or a specific kind of clarity. Eventually, yes, those things do come. However, in the beginning – and often right in the thick of it – healing can feel like a flood of emotions. It can feel overwhelming and we can sense it in places we didn’t even know we were holding pain. Something that doesn’t get talked about quite as much, is that healing sometimes hurts, too. Sometimes, healing can feel a little confusing. You might find yourself thinking, “Why does this hurt more now? Shouldn’t I feel better? Isn’t healing supposed to help…
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We live out certain patterns in our lives, and sometimes we aren’t even aware that it’s happening. These are repeated behaviors we have been acting out for a very long time, and yet we have no conscious awareness of them. Being a people-pleaser is a manifestation of one of those patterns. On the outside, it can look like simply being helpful, offering a friendly smile or giving of your time to those who need it. However, on a deeper level, it can stem from fear, a desire to be enough, and a belief that our worth is dependent on how others perceive us. Let’s talk about the connection between people-pleasing…
