The Strange Fear of Letting Go
Overthinking is the worst. It takes up your time and valuable space in your mind. Sometimes we get in our heads over the most insignificant thing – and it can run away with us.
What if something bad happens? What if this happens? What if that happens?
If we struggle with worry and overthinking, we often resort to the worst-case scenario almost instantly.
Maybe for some of us, we ruminate for days or more on the same subject. We might think about every possible outcome until we’re sure we’ve thought of everything.
Being in worry makes us feel like we’re doing something. Sometimes worrying serves a purpose, and sometimes we assign a purpose to it.
What if you took a step away from your fear and insecurities?
What if you took a five-minute break from replaying worst-case scenarios in your head? You might find some peace in that space you create for yourself.
It can be daunting, or even scary to stop worrying – but you can always go back.
Why Worry Feels Useful
We all worry from time to time. When it’s being used for its intended purpose, worry helps protect us by putting us on alert. In the event where worry is necessary for our body, it sends us that message so we know how to move forward.
When we pick up our own worries, it can feel like more is going on. Worry can sometimes feel like preparation: if I think about it first, I can’t be blindsided.
It could feel like responsibility. We may have the idea that showing signs of worry means that we are being mature and responsible. We may worry out of vigilance and try to keep ourselves from getting hurt.
For me, worrying often came from a place of needing control. Human beings want certainty, and if you don’t have that, one way to make up for it is to try to control everything you can. Worrying can feel like control.
All of these things give the illusion of participation. It’s almost as if thinking hard enough can prevent future pain.
Worrying feels like the safer alternative to trusting. Sometimes we don’t realize that, and that’s why we just continue to worry. We stay on the hamster wheel and keep worrying ourselves to safety.
The Identity of “The One Who Thinks Ahead”
Sometimes we can take on the identity of someone who is always prepared, someone who thinks ahead, or someone who is always ready. We might approach that identity with good intentions of genuinely being prepared; however, there might be a layer of fear hiding underneath.
Experiencing unpredictability in the past can train the body to be on alert. Your nervous system doesn’t want you to be blindsided – no one wants that, ever. And at the same time, you can’t live your life constantly being prepared for bad things to happen. You deserve to take a breath.
You might believe you’re just being cautious; thinking one step ahead, or rehearsing scenarios in your mind. You might label the way you view things as being realistic or responsible.
All of these possibilities are valid. And – maybe there is a fear that if you aren’t hypervigilant, something bad will happen.
Taking small steps to learn to trust yourself more is helpful in letting this type of thinking go. Check out Self-Trust Series: Self-Trust Is Built in Retrospect
The Experiment – What If You Paused It?
Worrying can be quite destructive; it requires a lot of mental and emotional effort. It takes up precious time you could spend doing, well – anything else. Allowing fear to call the shots in your life is exhausting, and it doesn’t even get you anywhere.
Instead of trying to completely stop worrying altogether, what if you looked at it a bit differently? It’s not about “never worrying again,” it’s about figuring out a way to work with your worry.
What if one afternoon you took five minutes to yourself and didn’t replay the conversation? Set a timer, give yourself just a quick moment where you can breathe, and know that you can always go back to worrying when the time is up.
We aren’t letting go of our worry; we are just testing to see what would happen if we didn’t prioritize it so much. Check out What it Means to Be Unbothered and What Happens When You Pull Your Energy Back
Can you imagine sitting in silence with someone and not analyzing it? Maybe you could observe your experience for a few moments rather than bracing for the worst outcome.
Taking just a few minutes away from your usual routine of worrying, is enough to begin the process of stepping away from those thought patterns.
This small step is a great way to get used to the idea that you actually can take a break from being afraid, and everything is still okay after you do that.
Eventually, the goal is to get more acquainted with feeling calm and separating yourself from your insecurity.
The Fear of Calm
Especially if you’re used to living your life in survival mode – scanning, checking, and preparing – calmness can feel quite foreign.
When your nervous system is used to being on alert, being calm can feel like you’re exposed. It can feel like you’re being naive for allowing yourself to be comfortable. Sometimes, letting your guard down might even feel irresponsible or like you’re opening yourself up to an attack of some kind.
There can be real anxiety around choosing not to be anxious.
We are used to holding our armor, and worry is a huge piece of that protection. Letting go, and standing on your own without it, can be an adjustment.
You’re not weak for feeling this way – you’ve adapted to feel this way.
Now it’s time we adapt to calm. Let’s choose to adapt to what works for us instead.
What You Might Discover
The few moments involved in identifying your emotion, then choosing to step back and observe it can be a wild ride.
You are strong enough to take a step back from overthinking, and when you do – you’ll notice a few things on the other side.
When you stop worrying or imagining every way something might unfold, you notice that the outcome didn’t change. For me, most of the time the event that I feared didn’t actually happen.
You might notice that you don’t even have enough information to be forming scary conclusions. It might become more apparent, just how much imagination you were using to scare yourself.
Again, there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. As with everything else, we notice and then we choose differently.
It’s possible that being present works better than constantly “predicting.”
You might find that your muscles are less tense, and choosing not to engage with your racing thoughts allows your body to soften. The more you simply stay with yourself and choose your peace, you might even find that your racing thoughts slow down a bit.
Your strength is found not in how much you worry, but in your choice to respond.
This takes practice, but it is possible.
You Are Not Losing Control
We know that worrying and coming up with new ways something could hurt us makes us feel in control. Not doing those things might seem like giving up control, but actually – that’s where you gain it.
Letting go of overthinking does not mean that you become careless and throw caution to the wind. It does not give you permission to ignore red flags or do things that you know are not in alignment with your values. It doesn’t mean you’re participating in some sort of blind optimism, or that you’re avoiding responsibility.
When you choose to focus your attention on something that allows you to feel calm, you are taking responsibility for your peace. This conscious effort is not easy, and it’s a step closer to yourself.
When you allow your worry to live alongside you, instead of intervening every time it beckons, you learn to trust yourself. You teach yourself that you can stand on your own, choose your peace, and still be okay at the end of the day. Check out Self-Trust Series: Self-Trust in Real Time
Freedom Is Reversible
This is the idea I want you to consider:
Overthinking is so taxing on our emotional and even our physical selves. Many of us live in this world of overthinking and are used to showing up with armor on, ready for anything.
However, what if you put your armor down?
Just see what that’s like.
What if you sat this one out and maybe worried next time?
You can try this idea of focusing on what you choose to, and allowing your worry to simply be there. If you like it, keep exploring it.
Remember, you can always go back.
Worry and fear will always be there. They mean well, as with all of our emotions – they are just trying to keep you safe and tell you things. However, just because they’re here doesn’t mean we have to entertain them.
It’s like when a friend just shows up at your house. It’s inconvenient, but you know this person well and they already let themselves in.
The difference here is that you can allow your annoying friend to follow you around your house and intrude while you’re trying to get things done – or you can set some boundaries with your friend.
Logically, if we really did have an annoying friend in our house, it would be perfectly acceptable to allow them to sit in the kitchen. You could provide your friend with refreshments so they are comfortable, and take a moment to listen to them and see if they actually need to tell you something. Then, you can politely let them know to make themselves comfortable at the table.
They are welcome to stay there, while you live your life on the other side of the house.
You can put boundaries around your thinking, just like anything else.
You’re Allowed to Experiment With Peace
So what if you stopped worrying? Just for a moment?
Think about how your life would be different if you chose not to be afraid – even sometimes. Check out Choose to Be Unafraid: Fear Is Only an Option
Staying in this anxious state doesn’t prevent suffering – it prolongs it.
You don’t have to put your defenses down forever – but you are allowed to loosen them. You can live your life without constant mental rehearsal, and step away from your fears to see who you are without them.
Putting boundaries around your worry, allowing space for calmness, and choosing your peace are all ways to take your power back. You deserve that.
Focus your attention where you choose to, not where you feel like you have to. If it doesn’t work out, you can always go back.
But you might not need to.
Related Reads:
Make Sure They Bring Value,
Let People Show You Who They Are,
You’re Free to Explore: Let Your Options Be Open-Ended,
Don’t Take it Personally
Resources If you’d like to learn more about overthinking, check out these links:
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