When You Ask Everyone Else What to Do Have you ever asked so many people for advice that you ended up feeling further away from the answer than when you started? When I was growing up, I doubted myself quite a bit. Whenever it came to making a decision, or feeling at peace with a decision I had made – I would become anxious and fearful. Rather than taking a moment to pause and tune in with myself, I would immediately ask those around me for their opinion. I wanted to get validation for my actions from external sources, thinking maybe they knew something (about my situation) or that I…
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The Feeling of Being Behind There seems to be a lot of talk around being behind in life. A lot of us feel like we should be in a different place in life, other than where we are right now. Have you ever felt like you should have your career figured out by now? Maybe you thought you’d own a home, or be married, or have children by now. It’s easy to compare ourselves to what others present to the world and perhaps doubt ourselves and our timing. We might judge ourselves and feel we should be making more money, or have everything all figured out. If you can relate…
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Have you ever felt uncomfortable receiving a compliment? How about a heartfelt thank you, or praise for something you genuinely deserve? We’ve all been there. Sometimes we receive compliments and don’t know how to react. Other times, getting recognition can feel a little awkward – even when it’s given where it’s due. But have you ever thought about why this is? Why is it so hard to accept a compliment? What would happen if you actually processed these kind words of celebration and allowed them to land? I’ve come a long way in learning about myself – understanding who I am, who I was, and the choices that separate the…
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Interestingly enough, I had never really thought about my self-worth much at all until recently. That meant I didn’t even really know what self-worth was, or quite how to answer how I felt about my own. So what did that look like in my relationships and how I showed up in life? I didn’t realize I was doing this, but I was tying how the people felt about me – to my perception of my value. I let other people – how they treated me, their questions, comments, concerns (or lack thereof)- determine how I felt about myself. How exhausting: constantly jumping from one set of eyes to another, scanning…
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There are so many things we do all the time – simply out of obligation. We might feel pressured by societal norms, our friends’ opinions, or the expectations of family. We might be afraid of doing something “wrong,” hurting someone’s feelings, or inconveniencing them. Sometimes it feels like there’s no other choice – like one way is the “right” way – or we want to maintain a certain outward appearance. Other times, we feel obligated because we were told to, or we never stopped to question how we actually felt. When we act in a way that is better for someone else, than for our own wellbeing, we risk making…
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Healing doesn’t only mean you make friends with your shadow side, and it’s more than working through past traumas. There’s even more to it than learning to trust yourself. We all know that healing requires you to walk through some dark nights and accept some hard truths. We also know that there is freedom on the other side of letting go. One thing, however, that I don’t think is discussed as much when it comes to healing, is how much space you create for yourself to feel the good things more fully. So many of us approach our healing journey with the hopes of feeling better, less sad, less focused…
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It’s almost like before we begin healing, we’re one person, and after healing, we become someone entirely new. Not in personality or essence, but in how we see. This is a shift that is both natural and necessary. When you’re still hurting, it’s easy to move through life wearing a filter that distorts reality just enough to protect your heart. However, healing sparks clarity; it removes that filter; and what you begin to see might surprise you. You start to feel a new kind of peace – one that doesn’t depend on how others behave. That freedom allows you to notice things you hadn’t before: the subtle ways people take,…
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When we imagine healing, many of us picture something soft. We might expect lightness, peace, or a specific kind of clarity. Eventually, yes, those things do come. However, in the beginning – and often right in the thick of it – healing can feel like a flood of emotions. It can feel overwhelming and we can sense it in places we didn’t even know we were holding pain. Something that doesn’t get talked about quite as much, is that healing sometimes hurts, too. Sometimes, healing can feel a little confusing. You might find yourself thinking, “Why does this hurt more now? Shouldn’t I feel better? Isn’t healing supposed to help…
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People give their power away in so many areas of their lives, and sometimes they don’t even realize it’s happening. We seek validation from external sources like our partners, bosses, social circles, and even social media. From the car we drive to the vacations we take, especially in the photo proof for our social pages, our sense of self-worth can be tied to the things that we own and how many people approve of us. Now, however, we’re going to take a different approach – it’s time to stop abandoning yourself and reclaim your power. After all of the work and anxiety that goes into getting this sought after validation,…
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When it comes to relationships, humans idealize each other in more ways than one. Idealizing others and setting unrealistic expectations is practically a built-in tendency – especially in relationships, friendships, workplaces, and with public figures. It’s fueled by cognitive biases, emotional needs, and sometimes it’s just good old-fashioned wishful thinking. However, it’s not always healthy – read on for more perspective on how to stop idealizing people. Sometimes, idealizing is a survival strategy we learned in childhood. If you had caregivers who were inconsistent or unsafe, you may have idealized them to cope. Seeing them as “all good” felt safer than facing the truth. However, what helped us survive back…
