Introduction: What If You Could Want Something Without Needing It? Have you ever wanted something so badly that it consumed you? Sometimes we can get caught up, and maybe even lose ourselves in things like a relationship, a job opportunity, or someone’s approval. We might find ourselves setting a goal, and then obsessing over that outcome; more specifically what we want that outcome to be. We may even become consumed by a version of our lives that we believe will finally make us happy, the idea of arriving. If you look back, you may notice that the more you wanted it, the more anxious you became. Oftentimes, the more pressure…
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When Your Center Moves Back to You Eventually, there comes a point in our healing when we realize that the things happening outside of ourselves are much less important than what’s going on, on the inside. When we detach and begin focusing on our own well-being first, our center moves back to us. In my last post on healthy detachment – Healthy Detachment – What It Is (and What It Isn’t) – we explored what healthy detachment actually means and how it creates emotional space for what’s important to you. What’s interesting is what begins to change once you start putting that understanding into practice in real life. Your internal…
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The Moment After Curiosity So here we are. We have recognized that something feels off and explored the facts with curiosity. Now it’s time to be honest with ourselves. Here, we’ve reached the Truth step of the RETURN Method. Being honest with ourselves about our own truth and our own responsibility is a natural next step. While this type of honesty is very direct, it doesn’t need to be harsh or scary. Acknowledging a truth that you might not like doesn’t have to be a confrontation. We can consider it to be data that we use moving forward. The truth is stabilizing. It’s not something that needs to be avoided.…
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Boundaries and Real Life Practice Boundaries determine how you show up in your life. Before I even knew what boundaries were, I realized that I sort of just floated through my life and reacted to whatever felt the least threatening. I was afraid of everything, and I desperately wanted to know that I belonged to the group. In fact, I thought for the longest time that being rejected from the group was possibly the worst thing that could happen. Check out Not Everyone Is for You: Letting Go of the Need for Approval After understanding my boundaries, it’s almost become fun to think about things and what my boundaries are…
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When was the last time you were upset about something? Maybe you had a fight with a friend or colleague. Maybe you had a breakup, or someone slighted you in public. Whatever the case may be, it’s likely that there have been times in your life where someone hurt you – and you had to move on. Moving on from conflict can be difficult, especially when there’s a lot of emotional charge attached to it. The end of a long-term romantic relationship, the betrayal of what was once a strong friendship, or misunderstandings with a family member can all leave lasting effects. Feelings of anger, injustice, shame, embarrassment – or…
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Everyone craves validation. People want to feel like they matter – that they’re important, attractive, successful, and ultimately acceptable to the group. Validation, whether it comes from within or from others, mirrors our emotions and inner world. It helps us know that we’re okay. You can think of validation as emotional feedback. When we’re infants, we look into our caregivers’ eyes for confirmation that we’re safe and that we matter. As we grow, the smile a parent gives us when we seek reassurance, the friend who listens when we need to talk, or the encouragement from a teacher when we’re struggling – all of these are forms of reassurance. They’re…
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I was with a couple of friends recently. They were talking about some home renovations they were making, when one asked the other, “What if so-and-so moved in next to you?”. Without missing a beat, my friend replied, “I would move.” They both laughed at the idea, and then the one responded with, “Wow, they have a lot of power over you.” I thought about that quite a bit. What does it mean to let someone have power over you? I’ve actually heard that phrase all throughout my life. From middle school, to college and even in my adult life. Some advice that’s been consistently given to me is “don’t…
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When I was in sixth grade, I was bullied pretty severely. It happened on a daily basis, and it eroded everything about my self-esteem. My bully was an eleven-year-old boy who called me names and encouraged the other kids to taunt me. Many of them would join in. At that time, I didn’t know what to do or what to say, so I did my best to ignore it. By ignoring it, however, that meant he got away with more and more. This went on for the whole school year and eventually became normalized by the kids in my class. I don’t remember most of what was said, but I…
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So many of us feel like we should be going to the gym. Maybe we want to go, maybe we have health goals – but simply getting started can be tough. Our fitness journey, like any other, will have ups and downs. That’s normal. What’s more important is our mindset behind exercise, and the awareness of how we want to show up for ourselves. Personally, I exercise not just for my body, but for my mind – probably 90% of the reason I move my body is for my mental health. Whether it’s yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, swimming, or even walking, movement helps regulate my nervous system, ease anxiety, and…
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Everyone wants to feel more confident. We want to speak up, show up, and carry ourselves like we belong – because the reality is, we do. However, if you’ve ever felt like confidence is something other people just have and you somehow missed the memo, this post is for you. Confidence isn’t something you’re born with – it’s something you actively and consciously build for yourself. Like any other emotion, confidence is fluid; it can be high one day and low the next. It’s something you can learn, shape, and choose for yourself at any time. In this post, we’ll discuss how being ready helps build real confidence. One of…
