From Bullying to Forgiveness: My Journey of Self-Acceptance

When I was in sixth grade, a boy bullied me relentlessly because of my ethnicity. The bullying, rooted in racism, left deep scars on me that took years to heal. This is the story of how I learned forgiveness and letting go, how to accept myself, and finally break free from the pain that shaped my youth.

Growing Up with a Conflicted Identity

I was raised in an environment where my Vietnamese heritage wasn’t acknowledged. My mother, who made racially insensitive remarks, often denied or downplayed my Asian identity. I never had the chance to connect with my Asian side, and in school, I was the only Asian student. This isolation made me feel like an outsider, but I had no idea just how deeply that feeling would affect me.

The Bullying Begins

Sixth grade marked the start of relentless bullying. My classmate, we’ll call him Mike, initially showed interest in me, even asking me to be his girlfriend. But soon after, he began making cruel, racist comments about me being Chinese, which was hurtful because I’m Vietnamese. His teasing escalated into taunts and exclusion, and I became the target of his cruelty. It wasn’t just Mike—other kids joined in, reinforcing the idea that I didn’t belong.

I was an eleven-year-old girl who had no way of defending herself, and my classmates only seemed to encourage Mike’s behavior. There were moments of humiliation—like when a group of girls told me no one liked me and made fun of me openly. I felt the sting of rejection and the weight of shame, internalizing the belief that there was something wrong with me simply because of my ethnicity.

The Loneliness and Self-Loathing

The bullying didn’t end after sixth grade. Though it was less frequent in high school, the words and behaviors stuck with me. I began to bully myself, constantly second-guessing my worth and assuming that others were judging me because of my race. I thought that no one could truly accept me for who I was.

I wore my pain like armor. I believed that if I made self-deprecating jokes or minimized my own identity, I could avoid being hurt by others. The shame I carried made it impossible to feel at ease with myself, and for years, I lived in fear of encountering more people who would make me feel like an outsider.

Turning Point: College and Therapy

When I reached college, I was determined to make a fresh start. I made new friends, joined a sorority, and experienced a sense of acceptance I’d never known. But there was still work to be done. I sought therapy, where I began to understand that the eleven-year-old girl who had been bullied was still haunting me. My therapist helped me see that I didn’t need to carry that painful version of myself forward.

It was in therapy that I first recognized the depth of my self-loathing. I had been internally echoing the cruel words of my bullies. This realization marked the beginning of my journey toward healing. I learned to let go of the past and stopped allowing those experiences to define me.

Healing and Embracing My Identity

Gradually, I started to embrace my identity and my heritage. I realized that self-acceptance would never come from trying to hide who I was or making myself smaller. Living in California, a place known for its diversity, also helped me feel more at home in my skin. The people around me were accepting of my background, and I learned to appreciate my Asian roots instead of fearing them.

My relationship with my now-husband was another important part of my healing. He has always been supportive, and his love for me helped me finally see the value in myself. The support I received from others gave me the confidence to begin accepting myself, flaws, quirks, and all.

Forgiveness: Letting Go of the Past

As I grew older, I realized that the anger and resentment I held towards Mike were only hurting me. By holding on to that pain, I was letting him control my narrative. I looked him up online one day, and for the first time in my life, I felt no anger, only release. He was no longer the bully, and I was no longer the victim.

Forgiving Mike wasn’t about him—it was about freeing myself from the weight of the past. It was about reclaiming my power and choosing to let go of a pain that had defined me for too long. I forgave him, not for his sake, but for my own peace of mind.

A New Beginning

Now, in my thirties, I look back at the years of pain and feel proud of how far I’ve come. The bullying no longer defines who I am. I’ve learned to accept myself, my ethnicity, and all the things that make me unique. I no longer live in fear of being judged for who I am.

Visiting my hometown recently, I had the chance to look at my past with fresh eyes. I saw the people I had once feared, and instead of feeling uncomfortable, I felt detached. I wasn’t that hurt, vulnerable girl anymore. And I finally realized that all the hurt from my youth had faded away.

The pain from those years had been heavy, but in forgiving Mike and embracing myself, I was free. The person I had once been, shaped by bullying, was no longer the person I was becoming. Now, I can look in the mirror and see someone I respect, someone I love.

Related Reads: How To Listen to Yourself and Let Go of the Past, Self-Love: What It Really Means and How to Cultivate it in Your Everyday Life, Understanding Emotions: The Key to Personal Growth and Healing

Resources If you’d like to learn more about bullying and its effects, check out these links:

• Anti-Bullying Alliance: Our Definition of Bullying
• New York Times: Effects of Bullying Last Into Adulthood, Study Finds

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