When we imagine healing, many of us picture something soft. We might expect lightness, peace, or a specific kind of clarity. Eventually, yes, those things do come. However, in the beginning – and often right in the thick of it – healing can feel like a flood of emotions. It can feel overwhelming and we can sense it in places we didn’t even know we were holding pain. Something that doesn’t get talked about quite as much, is that healing sometimes hurts, too. Sometimes, healing can feel a little confusing. You might find yourself thinking, “Why does this hurt more…
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For too long, many of us have confused being nice with being good – and being liked with being worthy. We do our best to smile, to be pleasant, and we see that as the baseline for acceptable behavior. As long as the people around us approve of what we’re doing, saying, or even who we are, we assume we’re worthy. We trade our emotional awareness for the perceived approval of others. This way of thinking skips the most important questions:How are you feeling? What do you want? Are you okay? People-pleasing can become so ingrained that we lose sight…
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If there’s one thing that catches my attention almost immediately, it’s when I hear someone talk down to themselves. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a colleague, I’ve heard so many people say really harsh things after a simple mistake – things like, “I’m so stupid,” or, “What an idiot.” Every time, my heart sinks a little. I would never say something so cruel to them – and I certainly wouldn’t stand quietly if someone else did. When it comes to building self-esteem, this kind of talk is detrimental to your progress. It makes me wonder: what kind…
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Everyone experiences pain at some point in their life. Whether you’re talking about things like loss, or disappointment, or learning that your best friend really isn’t a friend to you after all – pain from these moments teaches us something. Everyone reacts differently to painful lessons; some folks take it in stride and use that discomfort to create meaningful change in their lives. Others hold on to the pain, and sometimes they take protective measures to ensure they don’t get hurt again. In this post, we’ll discuss the difference between walls, barriers and boundaries. When it comes to protecting ourselves and…
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People-pleasers are often described as “nice”. Beyond nice, however, people-pleasers are sensitive, emotionally attuned and often deeply empathetic. The problem occurs when empathy becomes your way of survival; when you unconsciously believe that other people’s comfort is more important than your truth – it gradually depletes your self-worth. People-pleasing is a survival strategy, and we do it out of fear – fear of disappointing others, fear of abandonment. Fear that if we don’t make other people happy; we aren’t lovable. The Unseen Burden of Pleasing If you were conditioned to view approval as the same as love, you likely learned…
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We live out certain patterns in our lives, and sometimes we aren’t even aware that it’s happening. These are repeated behaviors we have been acting out for a very long time, and yet we have no conscious awareness of them. Being a people-pleaser is a manifestation of one of those patterns. On the outside, it can look like simply being helpful, offering a friendly smile or giving of your time to those who need it. However, on a deeper level, it can stem from fear, a desire to be enough, and a belief that our worth is dependent on how…
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People give their power away in so many areas of their lives, and sometimes they don’t even realize it’s happening. We seek validation from external sources like our partners, bosses, social circles, and even social media. From the car we drive to the vacations we take, especially in the photo proof for our social pages, our sense of self-worth can be tied to the things that we own and how many people approve of us. Now, however, we’re going to take a different approach – it’s time to stop abandoning yourself and reclaim your power. After all of the work…
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Why It Hurts to Be Disliked We grow up conditioned to believe that we need to be liked by the people around us. Society tells us – sometimes gently, sometimes not – that universal approval is the goal. We’re taught to please, to perform, to soften our edges in exchange for acceptance. We are never taught how to deal with, let alone be okay with rejection. From school hallways to social media feeds, the message is clear: being liked means you’re safe, valued, and worthy. But let’s zoom out for a second. Does that really make any sense? There are…
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How you care for yourself is a reflection of how you feel about yourself, and the two go hand in hand. Part of loving yourself and building your self-esteem is taking care of your physical self. Think of your body as a precious gift that you are responsible for taking care of. Be open to listening to your body; it will tell you what it needs every time. If you are lovingly listening, you can be there for yourself and ensure your needs are met. Prioritizing yourself is a great way to increase your self-esteem. This simple act builds self-love.…
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Learn why we idealize others, how childhood trauma plays a role, and how to break free for healthier, more authentic relationships.