How to Forgive Yourself: Getting Started

by Susie on October 25, 2024

How to Forgive Yourself: Getting Started on Your Journey to Emotional Healing

Forgiving yourself is a vital part of emotional healing, but it’s something many of us don’t talk about. When we think of forgiveness, we often focus on forgiving others—perhaps a past boss, a friend who hurt us, or a family member who let us down. But what about you? Self-forgiveness is just as crucial, and it’s time to turn that same compassion inward. In this post, I’ll walk you through how to forgive yourself, let go of guilt, and stop holding yourself to impossible standards.

Why It’s Hard to Forgive Yourself

We often struggle to forgive ourselves because we’re taught to aim for perfection and to please others. When we fall short of these standards, we hold ourselves accountable in ways that can become deeply damaging. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-judgment. But forgiving yourself starts with recognizing that you’re human—and that’s enough.

You might be thinking, “But others hurt me first, shouldn’t they be the ones asking for forgiveness?” While that may be true, we can’t move forward in life if we carry around the weight of unforgiven guilt. Forgiveness isn’t about condoning what happened—it’s about setting yourself free from the emotional burden that keeps you stuck.

Signs You Need to Forgive Yourself

Before we dive into how to forgive yourself, let’s first explore the signs that you may need to let go of guilt and self-blame:

Constant Self-Criticism: Are you always judging your actions, big and small?
Lingering Guilt: Do you feel guilty long after the incident has passed, even though it’s not serving you?
Perfectionism: Are you always striving to meet others’ expectations, often abandoning your true self in the process?
People-Pleasing: Are you neglecting your own needs to gain approval or avoid conflict?

If any of these resonate, it’s a sign that self-forgiveness might be just what you need to move forward.

The First Step: Awareness

The first step to forgiving yourself is becoming aware of the areas in which you’re judging yourself. Ask yourself:

What am I judging myself for?
How do I feel about these judgments?
Who or what am I comparing myself to?
What unrealistic standards am I holding myself to?

Taking a moment to reflect on these questions will help you begin to unravel the layers of guilt and perfectionism that you’ve been carrying.

How to Let Go of Guilt and Perfectionism

Letting go of guilt starts with understanding that you are not perfect, and that’s okay. We all make mistakes, and those mistakes don’t define us. In fact, your imperfections are part of what makes you human.

When I began my own journey of self-forgiveness, I had to start by letting go of the idea that I had to be perfect all the time. I had lived most of my life trying to meet others’ expectations, but I was losing touch with who I truly was. I realized that by forgiving myself for not being perfect, I created space for growth, self-acceptance, and, eventually, forgiveness for others.

Self-Reflection Journal Prompts for Self-Forgiveness

I want to offer you a few journal prompts that helped me start my process of emotional healing. These questions will help you reflect on where you need to let go of guilt and make space for forgiveness:

How do people see me?
What feedback or judgments have I received from others, and how have they shaped my sense of self?
How attached am I to others’ opinions?
Am I letting the expectations of others dictate how I live my life?
What do I expect of myself?
Are my expectations realistic? Am I holding myself to impossible standards?
What rules or criteria am I comparing myself against?
Do I measure my worth based on external validation?
How does it all make me feel?
Take a moment to check in with your body—what emotions are present when you think about forgiveness?

By writing down your answers, you start to question the beliefs that have kept you stuck. Over time, you’ll find that self-forgiveness is more about shifting your mindset than simply saying “I forgive myself.”

The Link Between Self-Compassion and Forgiveness

As you reflect on your journey, keep in mind that self-compassion and self-forgiveness go hand in hand. The more compassionate you are with yourself, the easier it becomes to forgive yourself for past mistakes. It’s important to understand that you are deserving of kindness, not only from others but also from yourself.

Getting Curious: How to Change the Narrative

Getting curious is the first step in changing the narrative you’ve been telling yourself. If you feel inadequate, ask yourself why. Who are you comparing yourself to? What do you expect from a situation? And how does it make you feel?

These are opportunities for emotional growth and self-discovery. Through reflection, you can shift your mindset and rewrite the story of your life.

Why You Deserve to Live with Self-Forgiveness

The act of forgiving yourself is a gift. It allows you to step away from shame, regret, and guilt. It gives you the freedom to embrace who you are—flaws and all—and to live intentionally, from a place of peace. Self-forgiveness is not about excusing past mistakes; it’s about accepting them and learning from them. It’s about offering yourself the grace you so often extend to others.

You Can Start Today

If you’re struggling with self-forgiveness, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to take your time. The journey to emotional healing is a process, not an overnight fix. Start small, and be gentle with yourself. You deserve to live a life of freedom from guilt, regret, and the pressure of perfection.

Resources If you’d like to learn more about forgiveness for yourself, check out these links:

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