Healing doesn’t only mean you make friends with your shadow side, and it’s more than working through past traumas. There’s even more to it than learning to trust yourself. We all know that healing requires you to walk through some dark nights and accept some hard truths. We also know that there is freedom on the other side of letting go. One thing, however, that I don’t think is discussed as much when it comes to healing, is how much space you create for yourself to feel the good things more fully.
So many of us approach our healing journey with the hopes of feeling better, less sad, less focused on the wrongs that we’ve experienced. I, myself, started this journey with not much more than a small faith that life could get better. I think something many of us, at least initially, think about when we think of healing – is seeking out and eliminating the things that hold us back. While those aspects of personal growth are important, I want to discuss how healing past traumas can create a greater capacity for accepting and receiving love from the people around you.
After You Do the Inner Work
When you do the inner work, you are able to reframe past events and understand them differently. Maybe you understand your past more clearly, maybe you understand that some things just work out the way they do because that’s how your story goes. No matter how you get to a state of loving detachment, what you might notice is how everything changes.
Things that used to scare you, don’t anymore. People who made you angry, or evoked other emotions out of you, just don’t have the same effect. You begin to simply observe people and situations, and you’re able to identify wanted and unwanted elements more clearly. Safety feels calming and peaceful, and what’s more – the love that’s in your life becomes more visible to you as well.
The more you heal, the more you make space for good things – it’s not about just healing from the bad things. Have you thought long term about what happens after you heal from the pain you are working so hard to get away from?
Where to Focus Your Attention
We all know how important it is to put your focus on things that you want. If you’re interested in the Law of Attraction, you probably already know that if you want something you should focus more on that thing. However, something I’ve found recently is that there’s another reason for focusing on the positive things in life, in addition to conscious creation. You should focus your energy on things that you do want because those are the things that matter.
Love, acceptance, belonging, understanding, togetherness – those are the things in life that matter.
Connection, knowing that someone loves you – the privilege to tell your loved ones that you love them. That is why we are here, that is what makes life worth living.
It’s easy to become upset when someone slights us. Maybe we get cut off in traffic, or our boss made an annoying comment to us – I for one have a history of thinking about those things all day. There are some psychological reasons why your brain wants you to keep thinking about negative things rather than positive ones. However, I would like to offer a perspective that has been on my mind pretty heavily as of recently:
You should focus your energy on people that love you, and things that make you happy – because those are the things that are worth your energy. Take a step back and look at this with me, your sweet husband, mother, sister, or friend who loves your company: those people – and the love they have for you – deserve your attention far more than any past negative experience.
It’s Not Just About Us
We are all aware that we need to live our lives authentically because we only get one go around. The people that love you are a huge part of that experience: your family, your close friends – and even friends that are newer to our journey. It’s the connection that we have with our loved ones and appreciating the love they have for us that makes life sweet. The capacity to really feel this love and gratitude is what’s found on the other side of healing.
When you think about the advice to live life to its fullest, it reminds us that our own lives are short and meant to be cherished. But it’s not just us, the people that we love only have so much time, too. They are meant to be cherished.
Sometimes it’s good to be reminded as much as is available to us, that tomorrow isn’t promised. With everything going on in the world it’s easy to be afraid, to feel overwhelmed and even discouraged – but, how wonderful it is to be loved!
When you build a relationship with yourself that’s based on self-acceptance and handling yourself with compassion – it becomes easier to accept love and compassion from others. When you heal, let go of old baggage and really learn to accept yourself, you become more open to give and receive love.
Shifting Away from Survival Mode – It’s a Different Experience
It’s something that you can’t understand when you’re living from a place of survival. Fear doesn’t allow room for love, but once you start taking the steps toward loving yourself, you begin to take space away from that fear. Healing means that you can create more space for gratitude, for love, for compassion. You start to savor all of these beautiful emotions and feel them like you’ve never experienced them before.
Think about your family. Maybe you have a small family; just a parent and sibling. Maybe it’s just you and your spouse. Or, your family might be tens, if not hundreds strong! Your family might be able to date your lineage back to ancient times, or maybe you’ve only heard stories about your grandparents. I know that family dynamics are not always what we would like them to be, though no family is ‘perfect’. Sometimes families don’t get along, sometimes they’re close, and sometimes they are separated. Whatever your family looks like, and whatever those relationships are like – think about how much they love you. Now, take a breath and be present with me – let’s set aside any arguments or tension – and really think about the people in your life that love you.
They love you!
You are loved!
How amazing is that?
Friends that you’ve known all your life, college roommates, colleagues who became friends – they love you too.
Love That’s Reciprocated
Your healing helps you see those things more clearly. Growing emotionally, and loving yourself means you are more capable of loving the people around you, and accepting that love in return.
When you’re able to really love – unafraid to open your heart for others – and when you can better understand what you mean to those people – that’s when magic becomes real. When love becomes the focal point of your life. When you focus on what you’re grateful for, when you focus on how you can be a better person. And what a gift it is for those around you, that you want to better yourself. Your journey of self-improvement has a ripple effect, and those around you are most certainly a part of that. Those who love you are supportive, they benefit from a healed you, that’s maybe more open-minded and accepting.
Maybe you have a great sense of understanding that you’re honing in on, or perhaps you have just gone on a rampage of forgiveness – everybody wins.
All I’m saying is, no one really ever told me about this side of healing. I wasn’t expecting much except to just feel better and be nicer to myself. It has been a very pleasant surprise to learn that healing creates space for a more loving environment for everyone.
Moving Forward from a Place of Love
Feeling the love and acceptance emanating from the people I love might be the most profound things I’ve experienced thus far. Spending time with those I love, just being themselves on a random Monday afternoon, seeing how they look at me when we’re just enjoying each other’s company – it’s the most precious thing I know.
I’m so grateful for the people in my life.
Knowing that you are loved and valued and seen by those that care about you is a powerful perspective. It helps you to love yourself more, and it helps you to appreciate your relationships more fully.
In Conclusion
When you allow yourself to be more loving – with your friends, neighbors, colleagues, even strangers on the street – that openness returns to you. When you feel the love that you’re giving yourself, and you share that love to others, it comes back to you multiplied. A loving, safe environment makes way for healing, and healing makes way for creating. And from there? Your possibilities are endless.
Can you relate? Have you experienced greater connections with those you love as a result of healing? What relationships are you grateful for? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear all about it!
Related Reads:
How to Fall In Love with Yourself and What Happens When You Do,
Cultivating Courage: The Everyday Bravery of Being You,
Understanding Emotions: The Key to Personal Growth and Healing,
Four Ways Your Confidence Can Unsettle Others
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