How To Listen to Yourself and Let Go of the Past

by Susie on November 7, 2024

In my journey of self-discovery, I’ve come to recognize a powerful truth: answers come when you listen to yourself. Recently, I had a revelation that was a game-changer. It wasn’t the first big insight I’ve had, but this one felt different—deeper, more freeing. Let me share how I got to this point and what it means to listen for answers and let go of the past.

Repeating Patterns and Aha Moments

Like many, I’ve spent countless hours replaying scenarios in my mind. Most of them were variations of a scene where I stand up for myself—strong, confident, and in control. It was a dream of the perfect response to a confrontation, but it always felt like an unfinished thought, lingering in my mind.

I used to blame my OCD for these repetitive “movie clips,” but soon realized it was something else. It wasn’t just a mental loop; it was a deeper need for safety and closure—a need rooted in my past experiences.

Childhood Trauma and Its Effects

Growing up, my mom’s husband was abusive. I witnessed his outbursts of anger and intimidation, not only toward her but also toward my sister and me. He was loud, overpowering, and violent. I remember my mom’s efforts to stand up for herself, but they were never enough.

As a result, I internalized the idea that I couldn’t stand up to anyone. This belief stayed with me well into my school years, where I unconsciously attracted bullies. I’d find myself in conflicts, not standing up for myself but freezing instead. I became reactive, constantly on edge—fearful and unable to distinguish real threats from imagined ones. These things are easier to see when you separate yourself from those situations, and listen to yourself.

Putting the Pieces Together

As I reflect on those years, I see how the constant fear of conflict became ingrained in me. I was ready for confrontation even when there was no real danger. In fact, the pattern persisted in my adult life—especially with random, unimportant interactions. The movie clips in my head often involved confrontations with people I barely knew, where I created dramatic scenarios in which I could somehow change the outcome.

This fear-driven behavior was my way of seeking safety in a world where I felt constantly on guard.

The Fear of Being Bullied and Rewriting My Narrative

This deep-seated fear of being bullied shaped many of my thoughts and interactions. I realized I was replaying these scenarios in my mind because I wanted to change the past, to create a different outcome where I stood up for myself in a way I had never been able to. I wanted to rewrite my story—not just with my bullies but with everyone around me.

The problem wasn’t the thought itself but the underlying need for security and validation.

Moving Forward: Choosing New Thoughts

The moment I understood this, everything shifted. I realized that my mind was using these old narratives as a coping mechanism, trying to create a sense of safety where I hadn’t experienced it before. It is so important to actually notice, filter and listen to yourself.

But now, as an adult, I can choose differently. I don’t live in that childhood home anymore, and I’m not surrounded by those same people. With time, I’ve learned that I no longer need to carry the emotional weight of those memories. The thoughts that used to pull me into old emotional patterns no longer control me.

Your mind doesn’t distinguish between a past memory and the present moment. That’s why awareness of your thoughts is so crucial. When you identify a thought from the past, you have the power to choose a different one. This is a skill I’ve had to cultivate, and it has been life-changing.

Questioning Your Thoughts: A Powerful Tool

One practice I’ve embraced is questioning my thoughts. It’s a simple yet profound technique. When a thought pops up that triggers fear or anxiety, I stop and ask myself:

Is this thought based on past experiences or present reality?
What is this thought trying to tell me?
Can I choose a different perspective?

By questioning your thoughts, you don’t just let them take over. You slow down and create space for clarity. This process allows you to discern between authentic feelings and those fueled by anxiety or past trauma.

How to Let Go of the Past: The Power of Self-Reflection

We all have baggage from our past. Some of it is obvious, while other parts remain buried in our subconscious. But healing begins when we open up to these uncomfortable parts of ourselves. Instead of pushing them away, we can choose to explore them with curiosity and compassion.

When you start to acknowledge the thoughts and feelings that hold you back, you take the first step toward healing. Sitting with your emotions without judgment gives you the opportunity to understand them and, eventually, release them.

Conclusion: Healing Through Self-Awareness

If you want to let go of the past, you must be willing to listen to the stories you tell yourself. You must be willing to listen to yourself. Whether those stories are rooted in childhood trauma or adult experiences, they shape who you are today. But by questioning your thoughts and choosing new ones, you can start rewriting your narrative and letting go of what no longer serves you.

As you move forward, remember that healing is not linear. It’s a process of self-discovery, and every step you take toward understanding yourself is a victory.

If you’re looking for more tips on self-awareness and healing, check out my other blog posts on emotional growth and navigating your journey.

Resources If you’d like to learn more about listening to yourself and letting go, check out these links:

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