Inner Knowing as an Innate Relationship
How do you feel about your own judgment? Do you trust yourself to make decisions based on your values and alignment? How do you weigh that decision?
If you’re anything like me, you’re on this journey with no idea what you’re doing. It’s okay—we are all doing our best. We do our best to live our lives in a way that we feel is acceptable. We use our best judgment and hope for the best—but when did “hoping for the best” become good enough? Whatever happened to our own inner sense of knowing, and having that be good enough?
You were born trusting your own judgment. Babies know exactly what they want. They know they are enough, they know they are worthy of love and attention, and they trust their judgment.
As we grow, we are surrounded by messages from all angles telling us that we aren’t enough and causing us to doubt ourselves. These messages eventually teach us to outsource a lot of functions that were only ever meant for us—not external sources. Check out Understanding Validation and How to Cultivate it for Yourself
Your own internal judgment isn’t something you earn or work toward—it’s something you’ve always had. Your natural awareness is there, even when you don’t have words for it.
No matter what may have gotten between you and your relationship with yourself—your ability to hear that small, still voice within you—you can always find your way back to it. It’s a relationship with yourself that is never too late to repair.
How Self-Trust Gets Broken
There are a lot of things that can get in between you and your inner knowing. A lot of times, our self-trust gets interrupted early on by our caregivers.
Maybe you had caregivers who were not emotionally available to you. Maybe they were emotionally or physically inconsistent. This teaches us that we can’t trust ourselves, because something we did “must have” caused this.
Maybe you had a parent who punished you or withdrew when you shared your needs. They might not have heard you or listened when you expressed boundaries. Maybe sharing your instincts resulted in invalidation.
Your parents might have rewarded your compliance and pleasantness over authentically expressing yourself. All of these things, over time, create a pattern of invalidation that teaches us it’s not safe to trust ourselves. It’s not about one single event—it’s about many small moments that happen again and again over time.
For those of us who were victims of childhood emotional or physical neglect, these are some of the patterns that separate us from ourselves.
Why We Outsource Our Knowing
Outsourcing as a Survival Skill
We might learn to outsource all kinds of things to outside sources.
When you outsource your own sense of knowing, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you—you learned to do that out of survival. You adapted.
When making your own choices or voicing your own opinion became something you were punished for, scolded for, or embarrassed for, your nervous system learned to look outward for answers.
You check in with how other people are feeling. You determine how they are most likely to respond. Safety then becomes linked to attunement rather than authenticity.
You override your own intuition in order to preserve connection, because connection is where you believe safety lives.
Who (or What) We Hand Our Knowing To
We might hand over our power to just about anyone. People who are more likely to receive that power might be authority figures—teachers, professionals, or perceived experts.
We might agree or disagree with an idea based on social consensus or cultural norms. People who appear more confident, decisive, or certain may automatically be perceived as authority.
We associate these things together, but that doesn’t mean they belong together. Just because many people believe something doesn’t make it true. Just because someone is confident doesn’t make them an authority.
Sometimes we feel something clearly but confuse it for something else.
Let’s stop confusing how we perceive others and start giving ourselves the credit we deserve. You are quite capable of thinking for yourself. Imagine how your life could change if you believed that a little more.
The Cost of Self-Abandonment
When we abandon ourselves—when we hand over our power to think for ourselves and make our own decisions—it comes with a cost.
Oversharing, talking about things we don’t feel comfortable sharing, or something as simple as giving someone a hug when we don’t want to—these are all examples of abandoning ourselves. Outsourcing our validation and our sense of safety are also forms of self-abandonment. Check out Inner-Knowing, Self-Abandonment, and Reclaiming Your Power
Sometimes this shows up as chronic self-doubt. If you overthink every conversation or every choice you’ve made, you might benefit from listening to yourself more. Being unable to make decisions, over-explaining, or justifying your choices can be signs that your relationship with yourself needs care.
If you can relate to any of this, don’t judge yourself and don’t feel bad. We all find ourselves here at some point. What matters is noticing, so you can begin coming back to yourself more often.
We notice when we’re abandoning ourselves so we can pause, reflect, and choose differently.
What Self-Trust Looks Like in Real Time
So what does self-trust look like in real time? What does it actually mean to trust yourself?
Trusting yourself in everyday conversations, daily life, and decision-making looks like pausing and giving yourself a moment to notice how you feel so you can respond thoughtfully. Trusting yourself in real time means allowing yourself to feel discomfort without needing to fix it or react right away. Check out How Boundaries Build Self-Trust and Discernment in Relationships
When you trust yourself—when you know how you feel, what you want, and what matters to you—it becomes easier to let other people sit with not understanding you. The closer you get to yourself, the more you choose alignment over approval.
Trusting yourself ultimately means staying present in your own experience.
Reclaiming Power Without Hardening
Reclaiming your power is about mindfulness.
It’s about being present in the moment and allowing yourself to live your experience as it is. It’s not about control—not controlling your thoughts, emotions, or the world around you. It’s about presence.
When you observe rather than project meaning, you gather information instead of reacting. This allows you to experience life more authentically.
As you reclaim your power, you naturally learn more about your boundaries. You learn what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. Boundaries are a form of self-respect, not punishment. This is where strength and boundaries work together to protect your peace.
Returning to Yourself
Trusting yourself means having a direct route to yourself. It means listening to what you feel, need, and want.
There is so much power in staying with yourself consistently.
Related Reads:
- Curiosity Leads to Clarity: How Asking Better Questions Brings More Growth,
- Emotional Regulation — Learning How to Stay With Yourself,
- Not Everyone Is for You: Letting Go of the Need for Approval,
- Understanding Validation and How to Cultivate it for Yourself ,
- Give Yourself the Right Conditions to Grow,
Resources If you’d like to learn more about Emotional Regulation, check out these links:
- Psychology Today: Unlock the Hidden Power of Self-Knowledge
- Psychology Today: 8 Ways to Tap Into Deeper Knowing
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