Why Emotional Regulation Matters Emotional regulation isn’t just “keeping calm, and carrying on”. It’s noticing how you are feeling, understanding that those emotions are trying to tell you something, and navigating your way through those emotions intentionally. Have you ever caught yourself thinking, Why do I overreact to everything? Or wondering why, when things pile up, you either shut down completely or feel like your emotions are suddenly way bigger than the moment calls for? Maybe you’ve asked yourself how to stay calm when you’re triggered, or why small things seem to set you off even when you’re doing “all the right work.” Or maybe the question is simpler than…
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Inner Knowing as an Innate Relationship How do you feel about your own judgment? Do you trust yourself to make decisions based on your values and alignment? How do you weigh that decision? If you’re anything like me, you’re on this journey with no idea what you’re doing. It’s okay—we are all doing our best. We do our best to live our lives in a way that we feel is acceptable. We use our best judgment and hope for the best—but when did “hoping for the best” become good enough? Whatever happened to our own inner sense of knowing, and having that be good enough? You were born trusting your…
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When Self-Trust Stops Being Theoretical Self-trust isn’t something you decide you have. It’s not something you can fake. And once you’ve built a foundation of self-trust, it doesn’t require constant effort—it shows up on its own. You see it most clearly in moments where there’s no applause. No validation. No reassurance that you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes doing what’s best for you—standing up for what you believe in and holding firm in your values—can feel incredibly lonely. But those are the moments that reveal how deeply you trust yourself. Having the courage to stand alone when it feels like everyone else is on the other side is self-trust in…
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Self-Trust Isn’t Built From Certainty Self-trust is one of those qualities we’re told we need to have. I remember when I first started doing affirmations, one of the things I wrote down — hoping that one day I would actually mean it — was I trust myself. I wanted that to be true, but I didn’t really know what it meant. We often believe that if we want to trust ourselves more, we need to feel more certain first. Maybe we need to be more confident in how we carry ourselves, or clearer in our decisions, or more grounded in our interactions with others — then we’ll have that trust…
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I was talking with someone the other day who was telling me about an interaction they had. They said, “I should’ve thought of that then. Now I’m going to be thinking about it all day.” Sometimes people do that. I’ve talked to a lot of people who replay conversations in their head, wishing they had said something differently, or imagining how they could’ve responded better. I’ve done this too. There are times when I’ve looked back at a conversation and thought it could’ve gone differently, or second-guessed a decision I made. Even something small — like changing your hair, loving it, and still asking friends or family for approval. We…
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There have been many times when I felt angry or disrespected, and I wanted to make a comment and refrained. Sometimes it was a conscious choice, and sometimes there was a small voice in the back of my mind saying, don’t say that. Similar to Dealing with Difficult People: Don’t Give Them Your Energy every time I listened to that voice and chose not to engage; it was a good call. Especially in stressful situations — for example, if someone is trying to provoke a reaction — giving yourself a moment to think before responding builds self-trust. Being present allows you to see yourself as separate from what’s happening. Building…
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When Emotions Feel Like Too Much I can recall several times in my life when I felt hijacked by my emotions. It could be anything—the pressure to succeed academically, to make the right career choices, or to know what I wanted to do with my life. In any case, I would sometimes become overwhelmed by what I was feeling. I remember when my therapist first told me to “sit with my emotions.” – it was a brand-new concept. At the time, I didn’t even know how to identify my emotions, let alone allow myself to feel them, sit with them, or understand what they were trying to tell me.I had…
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When navigating through relationships, in any capacity, it’s hard to know exactly what you’re going to get from one person. A lot of times people hide how they actually feel, they might favor politeness instead of realness, they might not even be aware of their behavior. There are a plethora of ways you can experience someone, and in my experience, you actually can get a preview of what they might have to offer—if you just listen to them. In everyday conversation, people tend to declare things about themselves. They want you to know how they identify, they want the things they feel strongly about to be known. I wrote another…
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I used to have a neighbor who was challenging to live next to. She would desperately seek attention from most people around her — including the neighbors — in very overt and obnoxious ways. I’m not sure why she behaved this way; I never actually talked to her about it. I eventually moved because it was best for my peace — all of that stimulus was aimed at me as well.While I was living next to her, I went through a series of emotions: annoyance, confusion, anger, rage — and eventually, understanding and neutrality. She would play her music loud for the entire courtyard to hear, put her things on…
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When you think about going to a therapist, at least on a broad spectrum, the question ‘how does that make you feel?‘ might come up for you at some point. Albeit a little stereotypical, it’s a really powerful question. Asking yourself how you feel is essentially what happens when you tune in. When you pause and check in with yourself, you see how you’re feeling in the moment—with the goal of responding appropriately and consciously. This question helps you to know how to tune in to your emotions for personal growth. “How do you feel?” may be the most important question you ask yourself. Knowing how you feel means you…
