The Myth of Closure When someone hurts us, we want an explanation. We want them to tell us why they did it, or how they feel. Sometimes, after an event, we get stuck trying to figure it out. We might spend hours ruminating, replaying conversations, and trying to pinpoint exactly the moment that things ‘went wrong’. It can feel like life is happening to us, rather than for us. What I’ve noticed is that the closure we’re looking for, that answer, that magic moment when everything suddenly becomes okay – it’s something you create for yourself. Closure is something you choose; closure is a boundary. You can want closure about…
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We all want to be accepted by the group, included, and made to feel like we matter. It’s part of our evolution; at one point not being accepted by the group meant you lost safety and would likely get eaten by something. Now, the consequences aren’t so dire, but we still want to be accepted. It seems like sometimes there’s almost an unspoken idea that the more liked you are, the more value you have. For those of us who learned to attune to others early, or learned connection through caretaking, being liked by the group may feel specifically important. We may expect approval as a necessity. The problem with…
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Have you ever felt uncomfortable receiving a compliment? How about a heartfelt thank you, or praise for something you genuinely deserve? We’ve all been there. Sometimes we receive compliments and don’t know how to react. Other times, getting recognition can feel a little awkward—even when it’s given where it’s due. But have you ever thought about why this is? Why is it so hard to accept a compliment? Where did we learn this from? What would happen if you actually processed these kind words of celebration and allowed them to land? I’ve come a long way in learning about myself—understanding who I am, who I was, and the choice that…
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I love plants; my living room is kind of a jungle, and I will find any reason to take a trip to the nursery. I’ve talked to a lot of people who feel like they can’t keep plants alive. Sometimes it can be intimidating, and some plants are easier to care for than others. While I’m no expert and have unfortunately killed my fair share of plants, what I’ve learned the most is that if you just provide the right conditions for your plant — it will do the rest. When you know the plant you’re working with, and you know what it needs, all you have to do is…
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Have you ever been in a group setting, and everyone is chatting, and the atmosphere is light – and then enter that one person who just can’t read a room? This person stands out like a sore thumb, energetically. They are up when everyone else is down, down when everyone else is up. Bringing up a conversation that ended, not that long ago – with the same content. Typically this person makes the air a little awkward, or otherwise uncomfortable for everyone around. It’s almost as if you want to get their attention and say something like “Hey! Look around!” because nothing they’re doing or saying is in alignment with…
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Interestingly enough, I had never really thought about my self-worth much at all until recently. That meant I didn’t even really know what self-worth was, or quite how to answer how I felt about my own. So what did that look like in my relationships and how I showed up in life? I didn’t realize I was doing this, but I was tying how the people felt about me — to my perception of my value. I let other people — how they treated me, their questions, comments, concerns (or lack thereof) — determine how I felt about myself. How exhausting: constantly jumping from one set of eyes to another,…
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There are so many things in everyday life that we do – simply out of obligation. We might feel pressured by societal norms, our friends’ opinions, or the expectations of family. We might be afraid of doing something “wrong,” hurting someone’s feelings, or inconveniencing them. Sometimes it feels like there’s no other choice—like one way is the “right” way—or we want to maintain a certain outward appearance. Other times, we feel obligated because we were told to, or we never stopped to question how we actually felt. When we act in a way that is better for someone else, than for our own wellbeing, we risk making decisions that are…
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It’s almost like before we begin healing, we’re one person, and after healing, we become someone entirely new. Not in personality or essence, but in how we see. This is a shift that is both natural and necessary. When you’re still hurting, it’s easy to move through life wearing a filter that distorts reality just enough to protect your heart. However, healing sparks clarity; it removes that filter—and what you begin to see might surprise you. You start to feel a new kind of peace—one that doesn’t depend on how others behave. That freedom allows you to notice things you hadn’t before: the subtle ways people take, the quiet manipulations…
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When we imagine healing, many of us picture something soft. We might expect lightness, peace, or a specific kind of clarity. Eventually, yes, those things do come. However, in the beginning – and often right in the thick of it – healing can feel like a flood of emotions. It can feel overwhelming and we can sense it in places we didn’t even know we were holding pain. Something that doesn’t get talked about quite as much, is that healing sometimes hurts, too. Sometimes, healing can feel a little confusing. You might find yourself thinking, “Why does this hurt more now? Shouldn’t I feel better? Isn’t healing supposed to help…
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Communication is one of the most important skills you can build. It’s worth improving every single day. Healthy, effective communication promotes self-advocacy, helps you create healthier relationships, avoid miscommunications, and move through life with more clarity and ease. If you are working towards growth and healing, it’s important to be able to name your feelings, so that you can sit with them and learn more about what they are trying to tell you. Of course, this isn’t the only thing that we do, after we know how we feel, how do we as for what we want? Communication isn’t just something that happens with other people, it also happens within…
