I’m not sure who all can relate to this, but for most of my life I assumed that just because someone was being nice to me — that also meant they were my friend. People are nice to other people for all kinds of reasons, and unfortunately no, it doesn’t make you friends. Sometimes someone might be nice to you as a way to manipulate you, use you to manipulate someone else, or they might just be nice to you because they are nice to everyone. Just because someone is pleasant to be around doesn’t mean the two of you have a connection. It doesn’t make them trustworthy and it…
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When we were little, we were taught to say “sorry” when we did something wrong. For some of us, somewhere along the way, we picked up the habit of apologizing constantly—just moving through life. People go to therapy because they need to talk about their desire for an apology. I know in the past, I’ve held the belief that an apology needed to happen before I could move on, and I’m not alone. Some folks wait years—sometimes their whole lives—for an apology. They stop speaking to loved ones, they hold grudges. They rearrange entire parts of their lives because they feel an apology is owed. But what is an apology,…
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For too long, many of us have confused being nice with being good – and being liked with being worthy. We do our best to smile, to be pleasant, and we see that as the baseline for acceptable behavior. As long as the people around us approve of what we’re doing, saying, or even who we are, we assume we’re worthy. We trade our emotional awareness for the perceived approval of others. This way of thinking skips the most important questions:How are you feeling?What do you want? Are you okay? People-pleasing can become so ingrained that we lose sight of our own emotional wellbeing altogether. If you’re a people-pleaser, you…
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People-pleasers are often described as “nice”. Beyond nice, however, people-pleasers are sensitive, emotionally attuned and often deeply empathetic. The problem occurs when empathy becomes your way of survival; when you unconsciously believe that other people’s comfort is more important than your truth – it gradually depletes your self-worth. People-pleasing is a survival strategy, and we do it out of fear – fear of disappointing others, fear of abandonment. Fear that if we don’t make other people happy; we aren’t lovable. The Unseen Burden of Pleasing If you were conditioned to view approval as the same as love, you likely learned that disappointing someone meant you would lose connection. In the…
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Emotions are an essential part of the human experience, in fact, it’s our emotions that make us human. We feel our feelings all throughout the day, but how often do we really take time to understand what we’re feeling and why? Most of us have been conditioned to categorize emotions as “good” or “bad,” but the reality is, emotions are far too complicated and nuanced to use such a binary approach. Moving beyond the “good” vs. “bad” emotional framework allows you to better identify and understand your emotions, and get to know yourself in the process. In this post, we’ll explore how to let go of the judgements you make…
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Sometimes it seems that we diagnose someone else as being insecure, as if it’s a jab. Under the right circumstances our ego might take the wheel and call that other person insecure – as if by comparison, insecurity doesn’t apply to everyone. However, when we are the ones experiencing uncertainty, it’s easy to find reasons to feel worse and fall deeper into victim thinking. Let’s talk about where insecurities come from, and how to build real self-esteem. It’s important to remember that insecurity, like all other emotions, is fluid. Furthermore, everyone feels insecure from time to time. Insecurity is a learned thing, absorbed over years like secondhand smoke. And just like…
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Falling in love with yourself is not one-time event. It’s not a grand, cinematic moment where you look in the mirror and suddenly feel like you’re enough. Real self-love is based on the ongoing relationship you have with yourself. Like any relationship, the one you have with yourself also requires time, patience, and a whole lot of emotional healing and learning. It’s messy, raw, and sometimes it feels like everything is in the way of you and the love you could have for yourself. Read more for some perspective on how to fall in love with yourself. What It Really Means to Love Yourself If you don’t already, getting to…
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I never allowed myself to feel anger until I was about twenty-five. Of course, I got angry, I felt full of rage at times – but I never allowed myself to be consciously aware of my anger. If I happened to get angry, I would just wait for that emotion to fade and distract myself with something else. I repressed my anger for a very long time, until I eventually realized what I was doing. I had no idea that understanding and healing anger was so important. I acted this way as a result of my conditioning; it was easier for certain caregivers and authority figures in my life to…
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Why Remaining Calm in Stressful Situations Changes EverythingRemaining calm is going to be the first step you take in assessing a situation. There are so many different day-to-day events that can trigger us—how do you know when and how to be less reactive when you’re emotionally triggered? Take a breath. We aren’t talking about extenuating circumstances where you might be in danger; if you find yourself looking at a hungry bear that wants to chase you, go ahead and let your fight or flight do its thing. In the event you find that you are being too reactive to people in your life, or you find yourself wishing you had…
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Runaway thoughts often lead to overwhelming emotions. For many of us, managing and understanding your emotions can feel like an uphill battle—especially when some emotions seem to linger longer than welcome. But here’s the truth: your emotions are not your enemy. They’re messengers. In this post, we’ll walk through the first step to understanding your emotions, how to acknowledge them without judgment, and how that awareness can transform your emotional well-being. Why Understanding Your Emotions Is So Important Emotions are powerful. They’re complex. And above all, they’re trying to tell you something important. Whether you’re at work, trying to sleep, exercising, or making dinner—your emotions show up, often uninvited. Your…
