We all want to be accepted by the group, included, and made to feel like we matter. It’s part of our evolution; at one point not being accepted by the group meant you lost safety and would likely get eaten by something. Now, the consequences aren’t so dire, but we still want to be accepted. It seems like sometimes there’s almost an unspoken idea that the more liked you are, the more value you have. For those of us who learned to attune to others early, or learned connection through caretaking, being liked by the group may feel specifically important. We may expect approval as a necessity. The problem with…
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I took myself to a solo lunch the other day. As I sat there waiting for my food, I played a little game with myself. In this game, I would observe the people around me, and whenever someone inspired me, I’d create a story for them. I’d decide where they were from, how long they’d lived in the area, what their dreams and aspirations might be, what they feared, and how they might be connected to the restaurant I was in. Of course, it was all made up in my head. The point of the exercise was to remind myself that other people have their own thoughts and emotions—just like…
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We talk a lot about using compassion, patience, and understanding as tools for growth—and rightfully so. They’re essential. But one powerful tool that often gets overlooked is curiosity. Approaching situations with curiosity and the intent to learn more can change your whole experience. Asking deeper questions helps you understand the world and yourself. Being open allows you to find the answers you’re looking for, and having curiosity leads to clarity. Use curiosity in place of judgement – judgment closes your mind, while curiosity does the opposite. In fact, curiosity allows you to see everything from a different perspective; it can even be fun if you want it to be! You…
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Communication is one of the most important skills you can build. It’s worth improving every single day. Healthy, effective communication promotes self-advocacy, helps you create healthier relationships, avoid miscommunications, and move through life with more clarity and ease. If you are working towards growth and healing, it’s important to be able to name your feelings, so that you can sit with them and learn more about what they are trying to tell you. Of course, this isn’t the only thing that we do, after we know how we feel, how do we as for what we want? Communication isn’t just something that happens with other people, it also happens within…
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I’ve talked to a lot of people who would consider themselves ‘people-pleasers’. If you can relate, you might already know that it’s exhausting, lonely and never ending. People-pleasing is deeper than the desire for attention or approval, the desire to people-please is a message that there are parts of you that need to heal. For many of us, constantly tending to other people’s emotions, and keeping tabs on how they feel is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism – something we learned early on in life to stay safe, feel enough, or avoid rejection. More often than not, this pattern stems all the way back to childhood experiences of trauma and emotional…
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We live out certain patterns in our lives, and sometimes we aren’t even aware that it’s happening. These are repeated behaviors we have been acting out for a very long time, and yet we have no conscious awareness of them. Being a people-pleaser is a manifestation of one of those patterns. On the outside, it can look like simply being helpful, offering a friendly smile or giving of your time to those who need it. However, on a deeper level, it can stem from fear, a desire to be enough, and a belief that our worth is dependent on how others perceive us. Let’s talk about the connection between people-pleasing…
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People give their power away in so many areas of their lives, and sometimes they don’t even realize it’s happening. We seek validation from external sources like our partners, bosses, social circles, and even social media. From the car we drive to the vacations we take, especially in the photo proof for our social pages, our sense of self-worth can be tied to the things that we own and how many people approve of us. Now, however, we’re going to take a different approach – it’s time to stop abandoning yourself and reclaim your power. After all of the work and anxiety that goes into getting this sought after validation,…
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Falling in love with yourself is not one-time event. It’s not a grand, cinematic moment where you look in the mirror and suddenly feel like you’re enough. Real self-love is based on the ongoing relationship you have with yourself. Like any relationship, the one you have with yourself also requires time, patience, and a whole lot of emotional healing and learning. It’s messy, raw, and sometimes it feels like everything is in the way of you and the love you could have for yourself. Read more for some perspective on how to fall in love with yourself. What It Really Means to Love Yourself If you don’t already, getting to…
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I never allowed myself to feel anger until I was about twenty-five. Of course, I got angry, I felt full of rage at times – but I never allowed myself to be consciously aware of my anger. If I happened to get angry, I would just wait for that emotion to fade and distract myself with something else. I repressed my anger for a very long time, until I eventually realized what I was doing. I had no idea that understanding and healing anger was so important. I acted this way as a result of my conditioning; it was easier for certain caregivers and authority figures in my life to…
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Forgiving yourself is a vital part of emotional healing, but it’s something many of us don’t talk about. When we think of forgiveness, we often focus on forgiving others—perhaps a past boss, a friend who hurt us, or a family member who let us down. But what about you? Self-forgiveness is just as crucial, and it’s time to turn that same compassion inward. In this post, I’ll walk you through how to forgive yourself, let go of guilt, and stop holding yourself to impossible standards. Why It’s Hard to Forgive Yourself We often struggle to forgive ourselves because we’re taught to aim for perfection and to please others. When we…
