I love plants; my living room is kind of a jungle, and I will find any reason to take a trip to the nursery. I’ve talked to a lot of people who feel like they can’t keep plants alive. Sometimes it can be intimidating, and some plants are easier to care for than others.
While I’m no expert and have unfortunately killed my fair share of plants, what I’ve learned the most is that if you just provide the right conditions for your plant — it will do the rest.
When you know the plant you’re working with, and you know what it needs, all you have to do is give it the right conditions.
Some plants need more sunlight, some need less, some need specific soil, and some don’t like to be watered very often. They can vary in what they can tolerate — and what they won’t tolerate.
If you buy a plant and put it somewhere it doesn’t belong — like a succulent in a dark corner — it can’t grow. If it’s deprived of nutrients, it breaks down. It starts showing the effects of not getting what it needs.
People are the same way.
Am I the Problem?
Sometimes we go through seasons where we feel stuck, not enough, or behind in life. Of course, we’re doing the inner work to figure out the nuances of those feelings — but in this post, I want you to consider the environment you’re in.
It’s easy to internalize those feelings of stuckness or inadequacy. But take a look at your relationships. Notice how you feel when you’re around the people in your life — your spouse, your friend group, your coworkers. How do you feel after interacting with members of your family?
Do the relationships in your life make you feel lifted up and energized, or do you leave those interactions feeling drained and exhausted? Do you feel pulled in different directions? Do you feel safe, or do you feel stressed?
While it’s important to take responsibility for how we are feeling in any season, part of that responsibility includes addressing our environment.
Are you giving yourself the right conditions to grow?
Internalizing Misalignment
Whether you’re in the appropriate environment or not, there are signs. Once you know who you are and what you need, it becomes easier to see the difference between what the “right” and “wrong” environments look like.
Generally speaking, when we are in an environment that isn’t aligned with who we are — we know.
It’s easy to resist this misalignment, and it can be hard to acknowledge.
Sometimes we maintain friendships that drain us or make us feel smaller. We might stay in relationships longer than we should, or we might abandon ourselves trying to make someone see our worth. Or, maybe we settle for crumbs from people who don’t recognize our value.
Being in misalignment with your environment doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you — it just means you may need a change of scenery.
What the “Right Conditions” Look Like
Knowing who you are is an essential first step in evaluating your environment and your relationships. When you know what you need, and you trust yourself to provide those things for yourself — regardless of circumstances — it becomes much easier to see what’s working and what isn’t.
What do the right conditions look like for you?
- What are your friendships like? How do they help you grow?
- How does your partner show up for you? How do they encourage you?
Everyone is different in what they need from their surroundings. Still, the feeling tends to be the same: we need to be around people who accept us and create space for us. Our relationships should lift us up, make us feel alive, and challenge us to step into who we really are.
When you assess your environment, look for opportunities that align with your strengths. Look for people and places that make you feel safe, seen, and encouraged.
Imagining Your Ideal Conditions
So how do we change our environment or evaluate our relationships? Where do you even start?
In my experience, it’s helpful to get a clear picture of what you actually want — then work backward from there. We know where we are now, and where do we want to go?
If you could have fun and create your ideal circumstances, what would they look like? Don’t judge what comes up. It doesn’t have to be anything in particular, and no answer is right or wrong— just ask yourself:
- What do I want my relationships to look like?
- What do I need to feel safe and excited?
- What conditions allow me to fully grow and meet my authentic self?
Think about how you would show up if you had a friend group that fully accepted you. Consider how you might feel different if your partner truly saw you and met you at your depth.
Who would that version of you be? How would they feel in those conditions compared to how you feel now?
It might not be easy, but it’s worth asking yourself these questions. It’s worth knowing what you want out of life — and seeking more of that.
You Already Have What You Need
Growth comes naturally when you feel supported. Some people we meet simply won’t be our people — maybe they don’t understand us, maybe they don’t want to, or maybe we just don’t mesh.
When that happens, it’s important to recognize it isn’t about you. It just means these people aren’t your tribe — and you get to go find the ones who are.
Conclusion — Give Yourself Permission to Grow
Don’t put yourself in a corner when what you need is sunlight.
Give yourself the right conditions to grow — and to thrive.
You already have everything you need, and you are already enough.
Just make sure you find the environment that nourishes your growth.
Related Reads:
The Real Power Move: Using Your Strength to Lift Others Up,
How to Know the Difference Between Walls, Barriers and Boundaries,
Boundaries and Standards: How to Identify, Enforce, and Embrace What’s Best for You
Resources If you’d like to learn more about knowing what you need, and creating the right environment for you, check out these links:
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