Respect Yourself: The Key to Confidence, Boundaries, and a Life You Love

Ever notice how easy it is to show respect to others, yet when it comes to ourselves, we’re often the first to dismiss, criticize, or downright betray our own needs? I’ve certainly been there. The thing is, self-respect is the foundation of everything—confidence, strong relationships, peace of mind. When you respect yourself, you stop settling, you stop apologizing for existing, and you start owning your worth.

But what does respect actually mean? Let’s break it down.

What is Respect?

Respect isn’t just about social etiquette or being polite – it’s much more than that. It’s about recognizing someone’s worth (including your own), honoring boundaries, and treating people -including yourself- with dignity. It’s how you show up in the world, even when no one’s watching.

At its core, respect includes:

• Acknowledgment – Seeing people (yourself included) as valuable, worthy, and deserving of consideration.
• Boundaries – Setting and upholding limits that protect your peace.
• Integrity – Acting in ways that align with your values, not just what’s convenient.
• Empathy – Holding space for others (and yourself) without judgment.
• Accountability – Owning your actions, making amends, and growing from mistakes.

Sounds simple, right? Yet when it comes to respecting ourselves – many of us simply neglect this area.

How to Start Respecting Yourself (For Real This Time)

1. Honor Your Own Boundaries

Ever said yes when you really wanted to say no? Have you let people push you around, drain your energy, or blatantly ignore your needs? Here’s how to change that.

• Say no without guilt. Seriously, try it; it feels amazing. I’ve heard people talk about feeling ‘bad’ for saying no, or thinking that saying no might hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not true. People are not that sensitive and chances are, if you state your boundary and stand by that, that person might have more respect for you.
• Set limits on what you’ll tolerate (from friends, family, work, and yourself). No one has a ‘golden ticket’ into your life. You don’t have to put up with behavior that makes you uncomfortable. 
• Protect your time and energy like they’re sacred (because they are). I’m sure you’ve heard before that time is one thing you won’t get back; it’s true. You want to look back on your life and think about how you chose to spend your time because of how you wanted to, not how you felt obligated to. 

As I have gotten to know myself more, I’ve increased my own level of self-respect. As you start to value yourself more; your time, your opinions, your feelings, your body, you will find space to respect yourself more as well. The time you spend with yourself, being kind to yourself, understanding yourself, teaches you that you are worthy of being seen and considered and treated with care. Now that I view myself with a certain amount of respect, it is very hard for me to accept treatment that is any less. 

2. Speak to Yourself with Kindness

We all know what it’s like to talk down to ourselves, belittle and outright bully ourselves. But try something different. Try being kind to yourself – even if it’s just for a day. Speak to yourself as you would a beloved friend, and see how it feels.

• Challenge negative self-talk. Your inner critic is lying.
• Replace self-judgment with understanding. You’re human, no one expects you to be perfect.
• Treat yourself like someone you love, because you deserve that kind of care.

I remember when I first made the conscious decision to not say mean things to myself. You don’t have to specifically praise yourself, if that doesn’t feel available to you – but just make the choice to not be mean. You don’t deserve to bully yourself, your mind deserves to be a safe space where you can be forgiving and understanding with yourself. Just be aware of your self talk and when you catch a negative, judgemental thought – simply neutralize it by making it objective. Instead of saying “I could never do this super cool thing that I see someone else doing”, try thinking “I’ve never tried that before, here are the qualifications I have and don’t have on the subject”. Making emotion filled thoughts nerdy and objective neutralizes the mood and kills its vibe. Try it!

3. Stop Seeking External Validation

Don’t rely on other people to determine your self-worth. Remember, you can’t please everyone.

• Make decisions based on your values, not out of fear. Do things because it’s right for you, not based on the result you are looking for. If you are going to take action, take the action regardless of how someone might respond. 
• Think for yourself. You are the only one that knows what is best for you; no one knows you better than you. 
• Accept yourself, weirdness and all. I recently read something that said the only way to really be yourself is to disregard what people are thinking – people are paying attention, they’re not paying attention, they care, they don’t care – it’s an endless cycle, and the only constant is you. You only get one life, you have a responsibility to you to be you. 

Once you’ve been true to yourself, you know how awful it feels to step outside of that, especially in the name of approval from others. 

4. Take Responsibility for Your Actions

Respecting yourself means owning your choices. Stay true to yourself and what you feel is right. Know your values and morals and stick to them. No one expects you to be perfect, just accountable and able to grow afterwards. 

• Admit when you’re wrong. Be aware of your feelings here, acknowledge any shame and/or guilt that may arise but remember to separate yourself from your emotions. Learn from your experiences and move on.  
• Apologize when necessary, but don’t grovel.
• Keep your eye on the prize; stay accountable to the life you actually want.

5. Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself

Show up for yourself! How many times have you decided to start a project, learn a language, clean the house and you just didn’t? I’ll do it tomorrow. Hold yourself accountable, if you say you’re going to do something – do it. Every time you break your own word, you chip away at your self-trust. In contrast, every time you show yourself that you do what you say you’re going to do, every time you see that you can depend on yourself; you increase your self-trust and confidence in yourself as well.

• Follow through on commitments you make to yourself.
• Set realistic goals and stick to them. Write them down.
• Prioritize what truly matters, not just what’s easiest.

I wrote about this in a separate blog post on confidence, but the reality is, the more you are there for yourself the more your confidence increases. You don’t just think about it, you prioritize taking care of yourself, setting goals and working towards them – you show yourself that you value yourself and you want what’s best for you. You see the progress you make because of your consistency and it teaches you that you are capable. You grow this relationship with yourself based on trust and respect for yourself and your confidence and self-love will flourish. 

6. Surround Yourself with People Who Respect You

If someone constantly dismisses, manipulates, or drains you, it’s not “just how they are.” It’s a sign they don’t respect you—and you don’t have to accept it.

• Walk away from toxic relationships.
• Value mutual respect over mere connection.
• Pay attention to how people make you feel—your gut knows.

If you feel that you should stay away from someone, then stay away from them. Your body has ways of communicating with you even about people in your life. If you have a strange reaction that seems to only happen when someone in particular is around, you may want to keep your distance. 

7. Choose Growth Over Comfort

Self-respect means believing you’re capable of more, even when it’s difficult.

• Face your fears. Anything that you may be avoiding; that’s your sign to call it out. Anything you actively don’t want to address – that should be at the top of your priority list. 
• Keep learning, keep evolving. You can learn from everything and everyone. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow. 
• Know what your standards are and stick to them, be aware; don’t let yourself slip into perfectionism.

8. Take Care of Your Body and Mind

Respecting yourself means prioritizing your physical and mental health.

• Exercise and move your body! 
• Rest when you need to rest.
• Seek help when you need it—strong people ask for support.

Self-respect isn’t just about mindset; it’s about action. What you eat, how you rest, the way you treat your body -it all sends a message. Are you treating yourself like someone you respect? 

Self-respect isn’t something you wait to feel – it’s something you practice. Every time you set a boundary, honor your needs, or stand up for yourself, you’re reinforcing the truth:

You are worthy. You deserve to be treated well—by others, and most importantly, by yourself.

Now go own it.