You Can Say Anything—If You Say It the Right Way

I have learned a few things throughout my roughly ten years of working in sales. After talking with lots of people from different ages, ethnicities, backgrounds – you name it – the biggest takeaway has been this: you can say anything to anyone, you just have to say it the right way.

It’s a mindset that’s guided me through conversations both big and small, uncomfortable and necessary. Whether it’s setting boundaries, expressing needs, or offering feedback, this principle has shown me how to communicate in a way that is effective for both me and the other person. Being aware that the context around your message, and how it is delivered is much more important than your actual verbiage – changes how you communicate. Most of the time, it’s not about what you say—it’s how you say it.

This idea offers a lot of comfort—especially when you have something on your chest but aren’t sure how to bring it up. Sometimes we might be afraid to have a specific conversation; maybe we are afraid to hurt the other person, or we just don’t know how our message will be received. The reality is, you can speak your truth. In fact, you have every right to express yourself if you ever feel the need to. Regardless of what you have to say, you can say it while creating a safe space for the other person.

You might be wondering how I can say this so confidently. It all starts with intention. You have to care about the person receiving your words. You have to have a compassionate understanding of what matters to them and how they best communicate. In order to effectively communicate with someone, you have to meet them where they are.

When someone feels seen and respected—even when you’re asking them to do something differently—they’re more likely to listen with an open heart. Because no one likes being called out, but everyone likes to know they matter.

How It Looks in Real Life

If we notice, there are opportunities for us to practice this concept, all around us. We can practice speaking with compassion and empathy whenever we want to share our opinions. Whether we are at work with our colleagues, or out to lunch with friends – we can still frame our messages in a way that feels safe enough for others to listen and receive.

Let’s take a simple example involving a friend at work. Say your friend is wearing a new perfume, and this perfume is so strong that it gives you a headache. First, we notice that the smell bothers us, then, we take a moment to tune in and see how we are feeling about this.

After sitting with any new emotions that show up for you, give yourself a moment to process them so that you can know what you need. Then, in line with our example, you are free to express to your friend that her perfume is causing an adverse reaction for you. Of course, her perfume is her choice, but since we understand that there is a mutual respect between the two of you, letting her know how you feel is a caring option.

You could say:

“Your perfume is too strong. It suffocates me.”

That would be honest of you—and also very harsh. Your friend would likely not respond to that well; she might perceive that comment as rude, or an attack on her perfume. She might have an emotional attachment to this perfume and be offended or hurt at this response. There are a lot of reasons as to why being so blunt and inconsiderate of your friends’ feelings might not be the best option. At the very least, it likely shuts down the conversation.

Now try something like this instead:

“Hey, I noticed you got a new perfume! Tell me about it – how does it make you feel? What do you love about it?”
“I really like that it makes you feel more confident—and I totally get why you like it! I just wanted to let you know that strong scents tend to give me a heading, and I notice it’s happening now. I’m not trying to be insensitive—I just wondered if next time you could wear a little less?”

In this version, you’re still expressing the same concern. However, now you’ve shown empathy. She is probably wearing this new perfume proudly, it clearly means something to her – be aware of that. You acknowledged her intent – you can relate to her; we all want to do things that we love and make us feel more confident. You understand where she is coming from, and you made a respectful request that clearly considers how your friend might receive it. That’s what “saying it the right way” looks like.

People Want to Feel Seen First

Before you can offer any correction, suggestion, or even an opinion, you need to make the other person feel safe. Safety in regards to communication often looks like being seen, heard, and understood. How do you create an environment where the other person feels seen – and otherwise safe? You lead with curiosity and empathy.

This doesn’t mean you need to sugarcoat what you’re saying or tiptoe around the truth. In many cases, you can articulate your intention confidently and directly, you can even communicate organically and naturally without worry of upsetting the other person. You just need to show the other person that you care about them.

You affirm the relationship before you bring in the difficult stuff. And as always, this applies to every relationship. This can even apply to someone you don’t know very well. You don’t have to be super close to someone to extend understanding and let them know – you get it.

Validation doesn’t mean agreement. It just means you’re showing the other person that their experience matters too.

Expressing Needs vs. Delivering Criticism

The example above can be applied to everything. Any time you need to speak up, especially when it involves asking someone to change something; tone, delivery and timing can make all the difference.

You can express your needs without criticizing the person, you can speak objectively and refer to facts about the situation. You can ask for more space, more clarity, more consideration—without assigning blame or creating any sort of reaction from the other party.

Sometimes many of us avoid saying anything in general, because we don’t want to be seen as mean or dramatic. Plus, it takes a certain amount of courage to have difficult conversations with others. However, consider that asking for what you need is not dramatic—it’s responsible. You have a responsibility to yourself to speak up when you need to, and ensure that your needs are met.

Also, caring enough to have these difficult conversations is a gift to your relationships. It shows that you value that connection.

A Quick Guide to Saying Hard Things Kindly

Conversations can be difficult at times, and for some of us, we might be a little apprehensive to take action. Not to worry, below are a few practical steps to help you speak your truth with care:

Pause before you speak.
We always want to give ourselves a moment to take a breath before we say or do anything. Just give yourself that quick, beautiful and necessary moment to breathe and ground yourself.

Ground yourself in your intention. What do you really want the outcome to be?

Consider their perspective.
We want to say something that we perceive to be difficult for the other person to receive. Let’s ask ourselves some questions. What does this person care about? What do you know about the situation? Do you know how to best communicate with this person already? Can you speak their language? How can you frame your words with genuine compassion and understanding?
Lead with empathy.
Acknowledge their effort or positive intent. “I know you’ve tried other things and you’re working really hard,” goes a long way. Real, genuine empathy is important here. If you are acting, this whole conversation will likely be received as condescending and insincere.
Use “I” statements.
Speak from your own experience. “I feel…” or “I’ve noticed…” is less likely to trigger defensiveness. Share facts regarding the topic. Be open about what you need and what you are looking for as a result of this conversation.
Invite dialogue.
Be solution oriented. We opened up this topic of conversation, and it might be super uncomfortable – what are we going to do now? How do we make this better? How can we find a solution where both you and I feel better and are able to move forward?

Be open to hearing their side to, be genuinely interested in what they have to say and how they feel both during and after this conversation. Be willing to move forward together.

These aren’t manipulation tactics; they’re relationship tools. They require you to be genuine and curious in your interaction. This perspective lets the other person know you’re not here to criticize—you’re here to connect. It turns what could be a negative experience into one that projects the relationship forward.

It’s Not What You Say—It’s How You Say It

Tough conversations don’t have to be confrontational. They can be connective, clarifying, and even healing. When someone sees that you’re not trying to challenge them, but instead trying to protect the relationship, or even help them, they’re much more likely to stay open.

Don’t ever feel like you have to silence yourself to keep the peace. You can always speak up, you owe that to yourself. You can have tough conversations in a way that is calm, respectful and empathetic. There’s a middle ground between tiptoeing around and being too blunt—and it’s where the best conversations happen.

The next time you feel hesitant to speak up, remember: you can say it. Just say it the right way.

With care. with kindness and with the goal of connection, over correction.

Because honesty is powerful—and empathy is what allows it to be understood.

When have you had tough conversations, and how have you handled them? Let me know in the comments below!

Resources If you’d like to learn more about communicating with more empathy and awareness, check out these links:

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