Introduction: Looking Beneath the Surface I recently started a new job, and I really went into it with the idea that if I could have all of my questions and answers ready, I would be more prepared, more successful, and start doing really well right out of the gate. While I would soon realize that my expectations just needed to be managed with regard to time, I learned something here. Typically, it takes a long time for people to get started in my field, so I was actually on track as I was. As it happened, I wasn’t considering that a new hire is clearly going to be experiencing different…
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I used to have a neighbor who was challenging to live next to. She would desperately seek attention from most people around her – including the neighbors – in very overt and obnoxious ways. I’m not sure why she behaved this way; I never actually talked to her about it. I eventually moved because it was best for my peace – all of that stimulus was aimed at me as well.While I was living next to her, I went through a series of emotions: annoyance, confusion, anger, rage – and eventually, understanding and neutrality. She would play her music loud for the entire courtyard to hear, put her things on…
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Sometimes people just start talking – sharing their stories, their worries, their problems. While it’s wonderful that others may feel safe and comfortable enough with you to open up, these conversations can sometimes feel uncomfortable or even unwarranted. Have you ever found yourself listening out of obligation as someone tells you about their challenges? I’ve had strangers share details about their health issues, their children’s life choices, or regrets that have weighed on them over time. It’s easy to stay in these interactions to avoid seeming rude – but what can moments like these teach us? In conversations like these, I often find myself nodding along in acknowledgment. But nodding…
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I took myself to a solo lunch the other day. As I sat there waiting for my food, I played a little game with myself. In this game, I would observe the people around me, and whenever someone inspired me, I’d create a story for them. I’d decide where they were from, how long they’d lived in the area, what their dreams and aspirations might be, what their concerns might be, and how they were connected to the restaurant I was in. Of course, it was all made up in my head. The point of the exercise was to remind myself that other people have their own thoughts and emotions…
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Abuse is not something that’s easy to write about, I want to be sure I am compassionate to those who have and are experiencing abuse. Abuse comes in a lot of different forms, happens to different degrees and can be experienced by anyone. As such, this particular perspective might only apply to a few folks specifically, and that’s okay – please use this information at your discretion. Being a survivor of domestic abuse growing up, this insight comes from my own experience both at home and in other environments. My hope is that you might find the following concepts to be helpful and empowering. Consider the signs listed below and…
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How to Have Difficult Conversations with Honesty, Empathy, and Emotional Intelligence I have learned a few things throughout my roughly ten years of working in sales. After talking with lots of people from different ages, ethnicities, backgrounds – you name it – the biggest takeaway has been this: you can say anything to anyone, you just have to say it the right way. It’s a mindset that’s guided me through conversations both big and small, uncomfortable and necessary. Whether it’s setting boundaries, expressing needs, or offering feedback, this principle has shown me how to communicate in a way that is effective for both me and the other person. The context…
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When we were little, we were taught to say “sorry” when we did something wrong. For some of us, somewhere along the way, we picked up the habit of apologizing constantly – just moving through life. People go to therapy because they need to talk about their desire for an apology. I know in the past, I’ve held the belief that an apology needed to happen before I could move on, and I’m not alone. Some folks wait years – sometimes their whole lives – for an apology. They stop speaking to loved ones, they hold grudges. They rearrange entire parts of their lives because they feel an apology is…
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For too long, many of us have confused being nice with being good – and being liked with being worthy. We do our best to smile, to be pleasant, and we see that as the baseline for acceptable behavior. As long as the people around us approve of what we’re doing, saying, or even who we are, we assume we’re worthy. We trade our emotional awareness for the perceived approval of others. This way of thinking skips the most important questions:How are you feeling?What do you want? Are you okay? People-pleasing can become so ingrained that we lose sight of our own emotional wellbeing altogether. If you’re a people-pleaser, you…
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Everyone experiences pain at some point in their life. Whether you’re talking about things like loss, or disappointment, or learning that your best friend really isn’t a friend to you after all – pain from these moments teaches us something. Everyone reacts differently to painful lessons; some folks take it in stride and use that discomfort to create meaningful change in their lives. Others hold on to the pain, and sometimes they take protective measures to ensure they don’t get hurt again. In this post, we’ll discuss the difference between walls, barriers and boundaries. When it comes to protecting ourselves and our emotional wellbeing, many of us instinctively put up…
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Emotions are an essential part of the human experience, in fact, it’s our emotions that make us human. We feel our feelings all throughout the day, but how often do we really take time to understand what we’re feeling and why? Most of us have been conditioned to categorize emotions as “good” or “bad,” but the reality is, emotions are far too complicated and nuanced to use such a binary approach. Moving beyond the “good” vs. “bad” emotional framework allows you to better identify and understand your emotions, and get to know yourself in the process. In this post, we’ll explore how to let go of the judgements you make…
