Someone to Look Up To: Finding My Inner Role Model

by Susie on November 12, 2024

Posted in Emotional Well-Being, Mental Health and Self-Care, Perspective and Growth

For years, I longed for a role model who could guide me toward becoming a confident, empowered woman. I envisioned someone like Wonder Woman—strong, fearless, and wise. I dreamt of a mentor who would take me under her wing and help me embody all the qualities I admired in others. But despite meeting many inspiring women, I couldn’t find the perfect role model—until I learned an important lesson: sometimes, to find your role model – you have to look within.

The Search for a Role Model

I was always drawn to strong, self-assured women who walked into rooms with confidence. They knew who they were and what they wanted, and I wanted to embody that same sense of empowerment. Unfortunately, I rarely encountered women in real life who matched this idealized vision.

Instead, I found myself fixated on the idea of finding someone successful, confident, and kind—someone who could teach me how to be more like them. Eventually, I found someone who seemed like the perfect candidate, but what I learned from this experience was far more valuable than anything I could have imagined.

Giving Away My Power

When I moved to a new city, I encountered a colleague who appeared to embody everything I wanted in a mentor. I was eager to learn from her, but at that time, I lacked self-esteem and the confidence to approach her as an equal. Instead, I fawned over her and put her on a pedestal, hoping that she would take me under her wing.

What I didn’t realize was that this behavior—constantly minimizing myself—would not lead to the mentorship I hoped for. Instead, it created a dynamic where she lost respect for me, and I was left feeling disrespected and disregarded.

The lesson here? How you perceive yourself affects how others treat you. When you downplay your own worth in front of others, they may see you as someone who lacks self-esteem. That’s not a position of power, and it won’t lead to healthy relationships.

A Mentor Relationship Gone Wrong

As my work relationship with this colleague progressed, I began to see more clearly the pitfalls of giving someone too much power over you. She would interrupt our conversations, assign me tasks outside of my role, and even test my boundaries by leaving work materials in front of me during meetings, hoping I would go through them in her absence.

Her actions revealed her true character: manipulative and self-serving. This was a harsh but valuable lesson in the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries in mentor-mentee relationships. Power dynamics are key, and when you give someone too much control over you, it often exposes their true intentions.

Learning from the Experience

After our professional relationship ended, I took time to reflect on what went wrong. I asked myself what I was really seeking in a role model. I had been searching for confidence, strength, and wisdom—qualities I admired and wanted to embody. But as I reflected on my experience, I realized I had been projecting my own desires onto someone else, hoping they could provide me with the guidance I needed.

It was time to shift my perspective.

Becoming the Role Model I Wanted

A powerful idea surfaced during my reflection: if you want more of something in your relationships, you need to embody those qualities yourself. Rather than continuing to search for a mentor to provide the answers, I decided to become the person I had been looking for all along.

Over the years, I committed to growing into my most authentic self. I embraced meditation, self-reflection, and personal development. I set clear intentions to become the version of myself that my younger self could have looked up to. This included developing self-confidence, establishing strong boundaries, and learning to believe in myself, unshakably.

I realized that the journey to self-empowerment and authenticity is ongoing. I now have the wisdom, clarity, and self-respect I once sought from others. I am my own role model, and I’ve learned to trust myself completely.

The Power of Self-Reflection and Growth

The process of becoming my own role model wasn’t easy, but it was incredibly rewarding. I learned to give myself grace, to try and fail without judgment, and to stay focused on my own growth. By setting clear intentions and following through on them, I created a version of myself that is strong, confident, and capable of handling whatever life throws my way.

If you’re looking for a role model, remember: sometimes the best person to look up to is yourself. Trust your own inner strength, set boundaries, and never be afraid to embrace who you truly are.

Resources If you’d like to learn more about believing in yourself, check out these links:

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