What Are Boundaries and Standards? For some of us, the concept of boundaries and standards might be a confusing topic. Some folks might be unsure of their boundaries, they might not know how to set them. They might not even really be clear on what their boundaries and standards are. Boundaries are more than just what someone is comfortable with. You can think of boundaries in the same way you think about the fence around a yard, the moat around a castle, and the walls of your home. Boundaries define what’s yours – they are the point where you end and someone else begins. Our boundaries protect our energy, they…
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Sometimes people just start talking – sharing their stories, their worries, their problems. While it’s wonderful that others may feel safe and comfortable enough with you to open up, these conversations can sometimes feel uncomfortable or even unwarranted. Have you ever found yourself listening out of obligation as someone tells you about their challenges? I’ve had strangers share details about their health issues, their children’s life choices, or regrets that have weighed on them over time. It’s easy to stay in these interactions to avoid seeming rude – but what can moments like these teach us? In conversations like these, I often find myself nodding along in acknowledgment. But nodding…
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The less you expect from someone, the more space you allow for them to be themselves. In any relationship, we often have expectations. Whether those expectations are of a certain moral, ethical, emotional, or physical standard – sometimes we just want people to do what we want them to do. It’s natural for humans to want to control their situation and environment; it makes us feel safe. However, if what you’re looking for is a real, authentic connection, letting go of the need for control is key to achieving that. Let go of your expectations for a specific outcome, and allow the universe to meet you there. What happens when…
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I was once told that people come into your life as you need them, and they exit your life as you don’t. When we talk about friendship, it’s usually framed as something that should last a lifetime – but rarely do we acknowledge the seasons that come with it. In most cases, forever isn’t how it goes. Throughout my life, I have made and lost many friends. Some I thought would be there for the long haul; others left over the smallest details. Often, I found myself wondering why it happened, feeling sad, internalizing their actions, and holding onto bitterness for a while. As life would have it, friends don’t…
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From an early age, we are taught that the way people view us is important. Being around other kids is when we first learn that how we are perceived often influences how others treat us. Some of us may have even received direct messages from parents or caregivers that image matters. While those messages aren’t necessarily wrong, the nuance often gets lost in translation. When you receive messages of external validation as a child – or at a time when independent thought isn’t fully developed – your self-image can become skewed. We might place too much emphasis on the opinions of others. Having a clean reputation and a good public…
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I was with a couple of friends recently. They were talking about some home renovations they were making, when one asked the other, “What if so-and-so moved in next to you?”. Without missing a beat, my friend replied, “I would move.” They both laughed at the idea, and then the one responded with, “Wow, they have a lot of power over you.” I thought about that quite a bit. What does it mean to let someone have power over you? I’ve actually heard that phrase all throughout my life. From middle school, to college and even in my adult life. Some advice that’s been consistently given to me is “don’t…
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How to Have Difficult Conversations with Honesty, Empathy, and Emotional Intelligence I have learned a few things throughout my roughly ten years of working in sales. After talking with lots of people from different ages, ethnicities, backgrounds – you name it – the biggest takeaway has been this: you can say anything to anyone, you just have to say it the right way. It’s a mindset that’s guided me through conversations both big and small, uncomfortable and necessary. Whether it’s setting boundaries, expressing needs, or offering feedback, this principle has shown me how to communicate in a way that is effective for both me and the other person. The context…
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How do I discern whether someone belongs in my life? Who you let into your life is important. We might not always realize it right away, but the people we allow ourselves to be around influence us – sometimes more than we know. As humans, we can’t help but learn from each other. That’s why being mindful about who gets access to your energy isn’t just a nice idea – it’s necessary. Being discerning with my time and energy is something I’ve been actively working on. This post is a reflection on the importance of being choosy about who you share your time with – whether it’s a romantic partner,…
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How many people do we meet over the course of our lives? Sometimes those people are with us throughout our whole lives, and sometimes they are only with us for the short term. However long the stay, everyone has something to teach us. The goal for this post is to remind folks to consider the greater good of their life journey when someone in their life chooses to exit. I tend to look at the end of a relationship as the end of a life lesson; what has that person taught me? Different people are meant to show you certain things. Someone who oversteps your boundaries may be teaching you…
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Healing doesn’t only mean you make friends with your shadow side, and it’s more than working through past traumas. There’s even more to it than learning to trust yourself. We all know that healing requires you to walk through some dark nights and accept some hard truths. We also know that there is freedom on the other side of letting go. One thing, however, that I don’t think is discussed as much when it comes to healing, is how much space you create for yourself to feel the good things more fully. So many of us approach our healing journey with the hopes of feeling better, less sad, less focused…
