What Are Boundaries and Standards? For some of us, the concept of boundaries and standards might be a confusing topic. Some folks might be unsure of their boundaries, they might not know how to set them. They might not even really be clear on what their boundaries and standards are. Boundaries are more than just what someone is comfortable with. You can think of boundaries in the same way you think about the fence around a yard, the moat around a castle, and the walls of your home. Boundaries define what’s yours – they are the point where you end and someone else begins. Our boundaries protect our energy, they…
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Sometimes people just start talking – sharing their stories, their worries, their problems. While it’s wonderful that others may feel safe and comfortable enough with you to open up, these conversations can sometimes feel uncomfortable or even unwarranted. Have you ever found yourself listening out of obligation as someone tells you about their challenges? I’ve had strangers share details about their health issues, their children’s life choices, or regrets that have weighed on them over time. It’s easy to stay in these interactions to avoid seeming rude – but what can moments like these teach us? In conversations like these, I often find myself nodding along in acknowledgment. But nodding…
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Everyone craves validation. People want to feel like they matter – that they’re important, attractive, successful, and ultimately acceptable to the group. Validation, whether it comes from within or from others, mirrors our emotions and inner world. It helps us know that we’re okay. You can think of validation as emotional feedback. When we’re infants, we look into our caregivers’ eyes for confirmation that we’re safe and that we matter. As we grow, the smile a parent gives us when we seek reassurance, the friend who listens when we need to talk, or the encouragement from a teacher when we’re struggling – all of these are forms of reassurance. They’re…
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When you look at a situation, ask yourself – how would I like to respond?When you give yourself even a brief moment to tune in to how you’re actually feeling, you create space – and in that space, you gain choice. In this post, I want to talk about embracing things as they happen – as a way of choosing empowerment, quieting fear, and moving more smoothly from one part of your journey to another. Life will always hand us the unexpected – delays, detours, moments that don’t go according to plan. But when you lean into those moments with grace and faith in yourself, your entire experience begins to…
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The less you expect from someone, the more space you allow for them to be themselves. In any relationship, we often have expectations. Whether those expectations are of a certain moral, ethical, emotional, or physical standard – sometimes we just want people to do what we want them to do. It’s natural for humans to want to control their situation and environment; it makes us feel safe. However, if what you’re looking for is a real, authentic connection, letting go of the need for control is key to achieving that. Let go of your expectations for a specific outcome, and allow the universe to meet you there. What happens when…
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I was once told that people come into your life as you need them, and they exit your life as you don’t. When we talk about friendship, it’s usually framed as something that should last a lifetime – but rarely do we acknowledge the seasons that come with it. In most cases, forever isn’t how it goes. Throughout my life, I have made and lost many friends. Some I thought would be there for the long haul; others left over the smallest details. Often, I found myself wondering why it happened, feeling sad, internalizing their actions, and holding onto bitterness for a while. As life would have it, friends don’t…
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I was having a conversation with someone recently when they just started talking – and they didn’t stop for what seemed like a long time. I didn’t really know this person, and while they seemed nice, they just kept talking about themselves. They went on and on about what was going on in their personal life, and then went even deeper into their past, speaking about domestic violence and family drama. I’m okay with listening if someone needs to talk – I understand that sometimes people just need that. But it made me think about oversharing. I thought back to times when I’ve overshared, and other experiences I’ve had where…
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From an early age, we are taught that the way people view us is important. Being around other kids is when we first learn that how we are perceived often influences how others treat us. Some of us may have even received direct messages from parents or caregivers that image matters. While those messages aren’t necessarily wrong, the nuance often gets lost in translation. When you receive messages of external validation as a child – or at a time when independent thought isn’t fully developed – your self-image can become skewed. We might place too much emphasis on the opinions of others. Having a clean reputation and a good public…
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There are so many things we do all the time – simply out of obligation. We might feel pressured by societal norms, our friends’ opinions, or the expectations of family. We might be afraid of doing something “wrong,” hurting someone’s feelings, or inconveniencing them. Sometimes it feels like there’s no other choice – like one way is the “right” way – or we want to maintain a certain outward appearance. Other times, we feel obligated because we were told to, or we never stopped to question how we actually felt. When we act in a way that is better for someone else, than for our own wellbeing, we risk making…
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I was with a couple of friends recently. They were talking about some home renovations they were making, when one asked the other, “What if so-and-so moved in next to you?”. Without missing a beat, my friend replied, “I would move.” They both laughed at the idea, and then the one responded with, “Wow, they have a lot of power over you.” I thought about that quite a bit. What does it mean to let someone have power over you? I’ve actually heard that phrase all throughout my life. From middle school, to college and even in my adult life. Some advice that’s been consistently given to me is “don’t…
