How to Find Your Authenticity

We Crave Authentic

I read somewhere once that attention is our hottest commodity as humans. I would like to argue that a very close second is authenticity. 

I’ve noticed as I’ve become more authentic, people look at me with almost enthusiasm, or intrigue. I find more people offering up eye contact and holding it longer. People seem to enjoy their interactions with me more and they seem more interested in what I have to say. 

People want authenticity, they want authentic interactions. They want to know that the person sitting across from them means it, whatever it is.Think about it, when someone is nice to you or kind to you or gives you a compliment, we all want to be confident in the fact that that person means it. 

Celebrities talk about how real they are, sometimes we wait for years for a loved one to have a real conversation with us. We don’t want processed, synthetic ingredients in our food, we want real, whole ingredients. We take picture after picture, until we get one that resembles most what we want our real life to look like. We want real stories, we want real emotions and we want real conversation. 

What’s Holding You Back?

Everyone wants this thing, that’s honest and feels genuine. However, I think that for most of us, we also feel like we’re not good enough to give it back. Some of us are afraid of how our real, authentic selves would be received. What if we got rejected – just for being who we are? 

It’s a valid question, and I’d like to follow that up with – and what if you didn’t? We all form assumptions, what if you questioned your own assumption? Don’t just accept the first thought that comes to mind, be aware of what you’re thinking and question it!  

A great example of how I hid how I was feeling, was when I felt angry. I didn’t intentionally hide things from people, that came second to the fact that I was hiding things from myself. I talk more in depth about this in another post, but I never showed it when I was angry. It was a combination of not wanting to show my anger and not wanting to admit my anger to myself. I just buried it as far as it would go and hid it away from everyone. I was afraid to acknowledge my anger, especially in public, out of fear of disapproval. I didn’t feel comfortable showing my anger in front of others until I was 26 years old. Imagine if I had only questioned my thoughts sooner! 

Don’t shame yourself here if you can relate, I just had to mention this because – it’s worth the thought.

How Does It Feel? 

I didn’t view myself as being inauthentic by doing this, from my perspective I was doing what I was supposed to do. 

Sometimes we don’t realize we are abandoning ourselves because we don’t know what it looks like to be true to ourselves. 

I would like to point out here that regardless of why someone is living inauthentically, the end result is still that you are not expressing your true self. This inhibits any growing and learning that you would be doing otherwise.

Allow It 

There is nothing better than knowing who you are and not being afraid to be that person. That feeling only comes when you give yourself permission to do so. 

After being on this journey I learned that I needed to give myself permission to live my life as I feel. 

Here are some good questions to ask yourself with regards to authenticity:

• What does authenticity mean to you? 
• How do you relate to hearing “authenticity”?
• What do you relate that to?
• Is authenticity important to you? If not, why? If so, why and to what degree?
• How authentic do you view yourself to be?
• How authentic would you guess your friends perceive you to be?  
• What are your expectations around authenticity for yourself? 
• What are your expectations around authenticity for others?
• Are you being authentic in your relationships? 

Take a Closer Look 

I think that the reason why many of us crave this experience of seeing someone as they really are, is because we want to show people who we really are. We want to see ourselves and be embraced for it, but we hold back out of fear. 

As a close second, we want to see someone else do it; we want to see what it really looks like. I wanted to see authenticity and realness in others because I wasn’t providing that for myself.

I’m not saying we should judge those who we decide are not being authentic. 

Life isn’t perfect, and I know this may come as a bit of a shock, but life choices aren’t always easy. Nothing is black and white and sometimes we don’t know what the most authentic thing for us to do actually is. Sometimes we need to take action right away, sometimes we need more time. 

Learning takes the time it takes, and it’s different for everyone. 

I’m still working on my authenticity. 

Thankfully, after almost ten years of working on myself I find myself closer to it than I’ve ever been. Even so, the journey is always interesting and I am learning more about myself all the time. I’ve learned that on your journey, you might meet many different versions of yourself. As you learn, you increase your awareness of your likes and dislikes, what’s really important to you and what you want more of in your life. 

The more you learn about who you are, the more confident you become to show that to others. You start taking action based on what makes you happy, you leave situations where you feel uncomfortable because you want to make sure that you are safe, you do all of these things authentically because you know that they are best for you. 

That’s why we start the journey and we endure the ups and downs, and growing pains that come with learning lessons – so that we can know ourselves. When you know yourself, that’s all that matters. 

Keep Going!

I do my best to hold on to the confident and authentic feelings that make me feel alive. I do my best to focus my attention where I choose for it to go. And, sometimes I find myself having an off day, or feeling like I wouldn’t mind a quick break from all this learning. 

Sometimes you take a step forward and two steps back and that’s okay. Nobody’s perfect, and progress has no defined shape. What matters is that you do your best. What matters is that you remember that you want to find yourself.

Most importantly, just don’t give up. If you have started your journey, or if you have any interest at all in a journey of self-discovery, I guarantee you will find progress – if you just keep going. 

Mistakes get made, regression happens, people get discouraged – but it’s not over until it’s over. If you move back a step one day, give yourself grace, you are still wonderful and you will move forward one step (maybe two!) tomorrow! Don’t give up on yourself – try again tomorrow! 

Have faith in yourself, you deserve that. 

If you would like to learn more about how I got to know myself and learned to live more authentically. I am currently working on a course that will go more in depth regarding steps I took that helped me feel more confident by default.

Stop back soon, I can’t wait for you to see what’s in store!