Why Healing Sometimes Hurts More Than Survival Mode

When we imagine healing, many of us picture something soft. We might expect lightness, peace, or a specific kind of clarity. Eventually, yes, those things do come. However, in the beginning – and often right in the thick of it – healing can feel like a flood of emotions. It can feel overwhelming and we can sense it in places we didn’t even know we were holding pain. Something that doesn’t get talked about quite as much, is that healing sometimes hurts, too.

Sometimes, healing can feel a little confusing. You might find yourself thinking, “Why does this hurt more now? Shouldn’t I feel better? Isn’t healing supposed to help me, not make things feel worse?”

These are valid questions. The reality is, you might feel more as you let go of old trauma. This isn’t because something is wrong, but because now you’re feeling emotions that were formerly repressed.

Feeling More Isn’t a Setback – It’s a Shift

When you’re in survival mode, your body does everything it can to protect you. It builds big, strong walls, goes numb, and suppresses emotions as far as possible, in an attempt to keep you from feeling pain. Emotional pain quickly gets pushed down and stored away; there’s no space to sit with those emotions, let alone process them. Your nervous system prioritizes safety over your emotional health..

Healing happens, however, when you run toward your pain – not away from it.

So, when your environment changes, or you start working on yourself, spending time with yourself and healing – your body begins to feel safer. You teach yourself that you can let your guard down a little bit, and eventually your nervous system begins to relax. In that space, where your emotions that were once repressed and ignored slowly start to show themselves. You begin to feel your emotions more fully, because your body finally feels safe enough to let you.

This shift is a beautiful thing, and a sign of growth. It can also mean that you feel more things like exhaustion, grief, irritation, and emotional overwhelm.

The Unseen Work of Safety

For years, you may have gone through the motions of life while at the same time carrying varying amounts of emotional weight. Perhaps you kept it together, when others would have been devastated, or you stayed cool and calm when someone hurt you. You may have responded in a certain way because you shut down and couldn’t speak or you dissociated in the moment. Maybe you called yourself “strong”, when you meant to say “numb”.

This, too, is a form of protection.

Now, as healing begins to work itself out, your body may say, “It’s okay now. We can look at this. We can feel it.”

And that’s when the emotions hit you differently.

Now, you might feel a lump in your throat over a seemingly minor disagreement. Your chest might tighten in response to something your friend says. Perhaps a memory you thought was long behind you reminds you that it’s still there. You might even notice things like crying during a commercial, feeling tired after a difficult conversation, or experiencing a depth of sadness that doesn’t quite match the moment.

This is not emotional instability, and it’s not regressing on your journey. These things are a sign that your capacity to process emotion is coming back online.

Your emotions are waking up.

You Might Think You’re Getting Worse

It feels different to experience pain after you’ve also experienced some healing. Before you started healing, emotional pain (generally speaking) would likely stir up other feelings associated with that pain and the story you told yourself about that pain. After you’ve healed, however, you likely have more of an understanding of the situation, or yourself, or you otherwise are a little more ready to look through a lense of understanding and forgiveness. They’re two different perspectives.

With this different perspective, your walls might be down a bit more and your body feels more free to show you other areas that need to heal. You could say that your body feels safer to release that old, stored up energy.

This might happen through experiencing something stressful that you usually tolerated well, and now you’re crying during the first half of a five second ad. Good! Invite these moments!

The thing you need to realize is that you weren’t actually tolerating that old stressor; you were holding it in. Now that you’re releasing it, it’s moving through you instead of staying stored in your body.

Releasing emotions might look like:

Crying more often than usual, or at seemingly unusual times – Don’t judge yourself if you cry more, lean in to how you are feeling and maybe choose gratitude, as you are getting a first hand view of your body releasing old energy.
Having flashbacks or vivid memories – If this happens, and it triggers you – be sure to ground yourself. Look around the room, name somethings you see, pay attention to your breath and the feeling of air entering and filling your lungs. You might remember something in the form of a flashback, but remember that you’re not there any longer. You are here, you are safe, and you are not alone.
Feeling extra tired or ‘foggy’ – Healing actually requires a lot of energy, it’s super common to be doing the emotional work of reframing past traumas and being physically exhausted as a result. Take your time, give yourself breaks and rest as much as you need to.
Feeling particularly sensitive or emotional – What we just discussed a moment ago – your emotions might be heightened, and you should embrace them! Your body is healing and feeling safe in the environments you are creating for it, sometimes stored emotions come up and might appear as if we’re “just being sensitive” or “emotional” – don’t judge yourself!
Feeling vulnerable in general, and uncomfortable as a result – When you heal, it is actually a very vulnerable time because you are trying on new ways of thinking and reframing stories that you’ve told yourself for (maybe) your whole life. We might be reframing values and boundaries that were foundational to us. This is new and might feel awkward for us, especially in the beginning when we haven’t solidified those new ways of seeing things.

Don’t be discouraged if you notice any of these things happening on your journey to healing; just remember to believe in yourself – you can do this!

Being Sensitive Is a Sign of Strength

Many of us were taught to equate emotional sensitivity with weakness. We were praised for being “tough,” or “strong” in the way that meant we didn’t show emotion. Healing on the other hand, requires something different. It requires us to feel, not perform, or shut down, or excuse.

Sensitivity, in this new light, is actually presence. It means you are no longer avoiding yourself. You are no longer ignoring the parts of you that are hurting. You are staying with yourself through the discomfort.

If you find that you’re living your life and certain things will just happen that make you more emotional, that bring up other feelings or even remind you of times in your past that made you emotional – take note of that. If you’re feeling more sensitive, notice what is making you feel that way.

When we heal from past traumas, we make space for pain that’s been hidden down deep to make it’s way closer to the surface. Reflection is good for this, that way you are a little more in control of the situation. You could do this, at least in part, by creating a safe space for yourself to invite uncomfortable feelings to the surface – in a controlled environment. This is not to say that having specific reflection time will keep you from remembering a trauma that happened ten years ago, while you’re choosing bread at the grocery store – however, it is a good option that could help with these things.

Your Body Is Telling You Something, Listen

Emotion is energy in motion. When we suppress that energy, it doesn’t go away – it stays with us and waits to eventually come out. The pain in our bodies wants to heal, this big scary monster within us, comprised of all of our past traumas, regrets, misunderstandings and injustices, just wants a little attention. Our hidden emotion monster, just like the rest of us, doesn’t want to be ignored. It doesn’t want to sit down below, all by itself, remembering what happened – it wants to heal. The pain that your feeling, the fear and anxiety – just want to keep you safe. Healing invites the body to release that energy that was buried far down, so long ago.

When you heal that energy within yourself, when you look the ‘monster’ in the face, you realize that it was never that scary after all. Your pain, like every other part of you deserves love, care, understanding and attention. It might require some work, but healing work is something that you will most definitely not regret.

So if you’re finding that more emotions are coming up for you – let them. How exciting that your body feels safe enough to show you more parts of yourself that need your healing energy. Your body wil let you know what it needs, every time. Sometimes that looks like crying more, shaking, feeling exhausted or even agitated are all signs of an emotional shift. It’s your subconscious releasing stored emotions and your body physically adjusting.

So, now that you understand the perspective of all of these stored emotions, waiting to be released – maybe you can ask yourself different questions. Instead of wondering, “Why do I feel worse?” you can ask:

What is coming up for me now that might not have been available to me before?
How exactly do I feel?
Can I stay with this emotion and feel it longer, to see even more what it has to say?

Ways to Support Yourself When You Feel More Deeply

When more emotions start coming up for you during your healing process, it’s important to meet yourself with care. These moments are invitations for gentleness, do not judge yourself, do not doubt yourself. Your job right now is to just allow.

Below are a few ways to support yourself:

1. Slow Down
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to pause. Whatever it is, can wait; your well-being is worth prioritizing. Physically slow down, slow your steps, slow your breathing, slow your eye movement. Don’t allow yourself to feel rushed, slow down and ground yourself with a few breaths.

2. Find Grounding Practices That Work for You
There are a lot of different ways to ground yourself. Grounding can be as simple as touching something textured, stepping outside, wrapping yourself in a blanket, or placing a hand over your heart. Make the conscious effort to find your clarity and tune in to yourself.

3. Acknowledge What You’re Feeling Without Needing to Take Action
You don’t have to act on every emotion that you have, but you should take a moment to acknowledge your emotions as they arise. Say hello, spend some time with them – see what they have to say. However, remember that you’re the one that gets to say which emotions you give your energy to, and which emotions you lovingly detach yourself from until they pass.

4. Move the Energy
Sometimes we need to process our emotions not only through thought, but also through movement. Personally, 90% of the reason why I love to exercise is because it is so beneficial for my mental health. If you haven’t felt the difference in how you feel mentally after exercising, try it! If you can’t quite get to teh gym, simply stretching, walking, dancing, even humming can support your body during times of stress.

5. Let Yourself Be Held
Whether it’s through friendship, therapy, community, or even a pet – healing doesn’t have to happen alone. We are social creatures and can find even more healing through connection. Sit down on the floor with your dog, snuggle with your loved one or even sit in a booth with your best friend over a delicious lunch. We do a lot of work on our healing journey, let’s not forget about all of the support that we receive from our friends and family on the way there.

This Is What It Means to Check- In with Yourself

The pain you feel isn’t a detour from healing – it is healing. The seemingly random tears, the lack of energy, the intense random emotions – these are signs that something is changing, that something is shifting. It’s a sign that you are no longer leaving yourself behind.

If you’re on a healing journey of your own, know this: you’re doing great. You are not doing it wrong. You are not broken. You are not too sensitive. You are meeting your needs and acknowledging parts of yourself, sometimes for the very first time.

And what an honor it is, to meet the real you.

It will not always feel this intense. There will be calm, there will be laughter; things will get easier. But for now, remember that this part of your process is very important and quite special in its own way. Let it be honored.

You deserve to be met with tenderness, especially by yourself.

Are you on a healing journey? Have you ever experienced the growing pains that can come along with healing? Share your story in the comments below! Let’s talk about healing!

Resources If you’d like to learn more about emotional healing, check out these links:

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