When we imagine healing, many of us picture something soft. We might expect lightness, peace, or a specific kind of clarity. Eventually, yes, those things do come. However, in the beginning – and often right in the thick of it – healing can feel like a flood of emotions. It can feel overwhelming and we can sense it in places we didn’t even know we were holding pain. Something that doesn’t get talked about quite as much, is that healing sometimes hurts, too. Sometimes, healing can feel a little confusing. You might find yourself thinking, “Why does this hurt more now? Shouldn’t I feel better? Isn’t healing supposed to help…
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Communication is one of the most important skills you can build. It’s worth improving every single day. Healthy, effective communication promotes self-advocacy, helps you create healthier relationships, avoid miscommunications, and move through life with more clarity and ease. If you are working towards growth and healing, it’s important to be able to name your feelings, so that you can sit with them and learn more about what they are trying to tell you. Of course, this isn’t the only thing that we do, after we know how we feel, how do we as for what we want? Communication isn’t just something that happens with other people, it also happens within…
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For too long, many of us have confused being nice with being good – and being liked with being worthy. We do our best to smile, to be pleasant, and we see that as the baseline for acceptable behavior. As long as the people around us approve of what we’re doing, saying, or even who we are, we assume we’re worthy. We trade our emotional awareness for the perceived approval of others. This way of thinking skips the most important questions:How are you feeling?What do you want? Are you okay? People-pleasing can become so ingrained that we lose sight of our own emotional wellbeing altogether. If you’re a people-pleaser, you…
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People-pleasers are often described as “nice”. Beyond nice, however, people-pleasers are sensitive, emotionally attuned and often deeply empathetic. The problem occurs when empathy becomes your way of survival; when you unconsciously believe that other people’s comfort is more important than your truth – it gradually depletes your self-worth. People-pleasing is a survival strategy, and we do it out of fear – fear of disappointing others, fear of abandonment. Fear that if we don’t make other people happy; we aren’t lovable. The Unseen Burden of Pleasing If you were conditioned to view approval as the same as love, you likely learned that disappointing someone meant you would lose connection. In the…
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Emotions are an essential part of the human experience, in fact, it’s our emotions that make us human. We feel our feelings all throughout the day, but how often do we really take time to understand what we’re feeling and why? Most of us have been conditioned to categorize emotions as “good” or “bad,” but the reality is, emotions are far too complicated and nuanced to use such a binary approach. Moving beyond the “good” vs. “bad” emotional framework allows you to better identify and understand your emotions, and get to know yourself in the process. In this post, we’ll explore how to let go of the judgements you make…
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We live out certain patterns in our lives, and sometimes we aren’t even aware that it’s happening. These are repeated behaviors we have been acting out for a very long time, and yet we have no conscious awareness of them. Being a people-pleaser is a manifestation of one of those patterns. On the outside, it can look like simply being helpful, offering a friendly smile or giving of your time to those who need it. However, on a deeper level, it can stem from fear, a desire to be enough, and a belief that our worth is dependent on how others perceive us. Let’s talk about the connection between people-pleasing…
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People give their power away in so many areas of their lives, and sometimes they don’t even realize it’s happening. We seek validation from external sources like our partners, bosses, social circles, and even social media. From the car we drive to the vacations we take, especially in the photo proof for our social pages, our sense of self-worth can be tied to the things that we own and how many people approve of us. Now, however, we’re going to take a different approach – it’s time to stop abandoning yourself and reclaim your power. After all of the work and anxiety that goes into getting this sought after validation,…
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How you care for yourself is a reflection of how you feel about yourself, and the two go hand in hand. Part of loving yourself and building your self-esteem is taking care of your physical self. Think of your body as a precious gift that you are responsible for taking care of. Be open to listening to your body; it will tell you what it needs every time. If you are really listening, you can be there for yourself and ensure your needs are met. Prioritizing yourself is a great way to increase your self-esteem. This simple act builds self-love. It shows you that you are important and your needs…
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When it comes to relationships, humans idealize each other in more ways than one. Idealizing others and setting unrealistic expectations is practically a built-in tendency – especially in relationships, friendships, workplaces, and with public figures. It’s fueled by cognitive biases, emotional needs, and sometimes it’s just good old-fashioned wishful thinking. However, it’s not always healthy – read on for more perspective on how to stop idealizing people. Sometimes, idealizing is a survival strategy we learned in childhood. If you had caregivers who were inconsistent or unsafe, you may have idealized them to cope. Seeing them as “all good” felt safer than facing the truth. However, what helped us survive back…
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Falling in love with yourself is not one-time event. It’s not a grand, cinematic moment where you look in the mirror and suddenly feel like you’re enough. Real self-love is based on the ongoing relationship you have with yourself. Like any relationship, the one you have with yourself also requires time, patience, and a whole lot of emotional healing and learning. It’s messy, raw, and sometimes it feels like everything is in the way of you and the love you could have for yourself. Read more for some perspective on how to fall in love with yourself. What It Really Means to Love Yourself If you don’t already, getting to…
