Don’t Be Jealous - How to Transform Jealousy into Something Better

Jealousy is a powerful emotion. I think it’s something we all feel, but it’s not something we talk about very much. No one is ever proud to announce that they’re jealous of someone else. After all, jealousy usually stems from a sense of lack and fear, so it also reveals other insecurities. Depending on your level of self-awareness or the image that you maintain, that’s not really a good look.

If you’ve ever felt jealous and yucky about it—or perhaps you struggle with jealousy—this post might provide you with a little perspective. What if you could simply choose a new alternative to this seemingly all-consuming emotion?

We can start by taking a look at how we are actually feeling when envy creeps up on us. What is usually happening when you notice that you’re feeling jealous? What do you think to yourself when you’re looking at something you want?

In other words, what is the story you tell yourself when you notice feelings of jealousy?

What If You Viewed it Differently?

The next time you find yourself feeling jealous, take a moment and ask yourself that. The story you tell yourself is going to directly determine how you feel. For instance, if you see someone who seems to have the relationship you want, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? If you tell yourself that they are special, or lucky, or that other people find love like that—but not you—then you’re setting yourself up for failure.

However, if you notice feelings of jealousy and choose to frame it a different way, you can make the choice to feel better. You get to bypass feeling jealous because the information doesn’t change, but the way you look at it does. Take another look at that relationship you’re eyeing.

What if you just decided that your person is out there and looking forward to meeting you as well? What if you chose to observe this couple and feel happy for them? You’re looking at two people who are happy—always encourage the happiness of others! Wish them well, send them good vibes, and be grateful that a relationship like the one you want is possible. If it’s possible for them, that means it’s possible for you. Choose to view this thing that you desire from a positive, supportive perspective.

Take Accountability with Love

Another thing you can do to take yourself out of a negative, envious mindset is to take a look at your own relationships—objectively. Take some accountability for your current state, or why you’re perceiving lack in your relationships. You’re going to need to ask yourself some difficult questions, so be gentle and compassionate with yourself. We are not trying to shame ourselves or feel worse—we just want to find some facts.

In order to move forward you first have to identify exactly what’s going on—not just what you are perceiving. Ask yourself some questions, like the following:

Why don’t you currently have the relationship that you desire?
Do you put yourself in situations where you can meet people?
Are you in a place where you are available for a relationship?
What are you doing to be ready to meet that person?
Do you know exactly what it is that you’re looking for?

How can you feel more empowered until you get what you want?

What Are You Really Feeling?

Jealousy is a sign that you’re noticing something. It’s a sign that you care. Consider what your jealousy is trying to tell you. You can start by asking yourself what you’re really feeling.

This is a layered emotion—it can feel like lack, comparison, self-doubt, fear, and even shame. Underneath these feelings, however, there’s always a desire for something. You’re seeing something that speaks to a part of you that wants to grow or be seen. So, when you notice someone living a version of a life you want, ask yourself:

Do I feel threatened?
Do I feel inspired?
Do I feel left behind—or do I feel motivated to move forward?

Jealousy isn’t something to shove down and be ashamed of—it’s something to sit with. Give it some space; find out what it’s trying to tell you.

There’s Plenty to Go Around

Don’t view the things you want from a place of lack. Notice when you are thinking about something you want—whether it’s a new promotion, a desired relationship, a new car—anything at all—and know that it is available to you. Even if everything that you’re looking at says otherwise, choose to feel like those things are available to you. Make the conscious choice to feel that way.

Your whole world changes with that simple choice.

Engaging in a mindset of competition or scarcity brings your vibration down. When you approach situations from a place of lack, you also invite thoughts related to lack, or competition, or scarcity. How will you ever achieve things that are abundant and happy and fulfilling, if you’re thinking about the opposite? You need to align your thoughts and feelings with what you want in order for those things to come into your life.

Here, in this mindset of expectation and receiving, is where all of the things that you want are waiting for you. In fact, they are on their way to you as soon as you decide you want them. There is plenty to go around—money, love, happiness—these things are in endless supply. You just have to believe you can have them.

How to Stop Feeling Jealous in the Moment

Personally, I very much dislike the feeling of being jealous. For me, it’s such an ugly emotion; it’s heavy, and I usually feel frustrated as a result. It’s actually something to take very seriously because it’s an emotion that you must keep in check. If you don’t pay close attention to your jealousy, it can consume you.

Jealousy can take you for a ride and cause you to feel hatred for yourself or those around you. It can also lead you to believe you aren’t good enough, or worthy enough.

When I notice feelings of jealousy for myself, I immediately try to turn it around and view what I’m looking at from a different perspective. I notice feelings of jealousy, thank them for showing up to teach me something, and make the choice to feel inspired instead.

Below are some steps you can take to feel better in the moment:

Notice it. Where do you feel it in your body? Your chest? Your stomach? Sit with that feeling for a moment, acknowledge it, and thank it for showing up.
Separate from it. You do not have to let your jealousy turn you into a big green monster. Before that happens, understand that jealousy is just an emotion passing through. These feelings of envy are temporary and will go away. Invite your feelings to sit next to you—see them as separate from yourself.
Choose something better. Trade that jealousy for a higher emotion—like inspiration, awe, curiosity, or determination. Know that seeing what you want with other people only tells you that you can have it too! Believe that what you want is available to you and wants you back. Have the mindset of being happy for people who are happy.

Also consider, you could be jealous of someone for having what you want. However, what if you were meant for even more than what you’re looking at? What if you want that promotion, but you were meant to run the company? Have an open mind.

No One is “Better” Than You

I want to take a moment and mention that someone being beautiful, wealthy, confident, or admired does not take anything away from you. Their shine doesn’t dim yours. It doesn’t subtract from your worth. In fact, wherever someone else is on their journey has nothing to do with you.

Someone else getting attention doesn’t mean that attention is no longer available to you. Think about flowers in a field—they’re all beautiful, and they all enjoy the warmth of the sun, and they do it next to each other.

You can admire someone and still hold onto your own power. You can want what they have and know that your path is just as valid.

Final Thought: Choose a Higher Feeling

When jealousy knocks, don’t answer it with self-hate or denial. Answer it with self-awareness and a curious mind. Get quiet. Tune in. And then choose a better feeling. You don’t have to live in that emotion; you’re allowed to choose a different one. In fact, it’s your responsibility to do so if you want to move forward.

Instead of feeling threatened by someone else’s success, see it as inspiration—as proof of what’s possible. Jealousy is really an emotion that you need to be in control of, or it will most certainly take control of you.

Notice your feelings, be present with them, and then make the conscious choice to choose feelings that feel better for you.

The things you want are out there—and they want you back. Approach your journey with feelings of gratitude, openness, appreciation, and understanding—and you can align yourself with anything you desire.

Resources If you’d like to learn more about jealousy and how to navigate envious feelings, check out these links:

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