Who Has Power Over You? - Rosie in a New Light

I was with a couple of friends recently. They were talking about some home renovations they were making, when one asked the other, “What if so-and-so moved in next to you?”. Without missing a beat, my friend replied, “I would move.” They both laughed at the idea, and then the one responded with, “Wow, they have a lot of power over you.”

I thought about that quite a bit. What does it mean to let someone have power over you?

I’ve actually heard that phrase all throughout my life. From middle school, to college and even in my adult life. Some advice that’s been consistently given to me is “don’t let them have power over you”. I’ve even written a couple of posts on this before (you can read one here: Reclaim Your Power: Why We Give It Away and How to Take It Back).

But still, what does this actually mean? How do you know when you’ve given your power away? And what is this “power” we’re speaking of in the first place?

Assigning Value

Ultimately, someone or something has power over you if you place more value on it than on your own peace.

This can happen in almost any area of life. When we hand over that kind of power, it puts us in a place of fear and lack. From this place, we are more reactive, and easier to control.

For example:

If you place more value on losing weight than on your well-being, you may push your body too hard or restrict yourself in unhealthy ways—chasing temporary results at the expense of long-term health.
If you place more value on job performance than on your mental and physical health, you may overwork yourself. You may neglect giving your mind and body appropriate rest, and eventually experience burn out.
If you place more value on the opinions of others than your own, you may find yourself living out of alignment. You may make choices that don’t reflect your true values, which can lead to regret.

Any time you allow a person or idea to dictate how you act, you aren’t acting from alignment. For another example, there was a time when I was feeling insecure and compared myself to another person. I allowed her style to influence my own and I bought several dresses and shirts that looked more like her than me. When I finally came back to myself and made peace with that insecurity, I was left with a bunch of clothes I will never wear.

What Is Your Power?

Power is generally defined as the influence or control that someone or something has over others. But where does this power, influence or control come from? Where does it get its value?

It comes from you—from your thoughts, your attention, and the story you tell yourself about whatever is in front of you.

Your thoughts are your power. The way you feel about yourself, the way you navigate your internal world, and the choices you make as a result—that is your power.

When you are grounded in the present moment, you are at your strongest. When you pause long enough to see the facts about what’s happening, you are less likely to be thrown off balance by life’s curveballs.

Even something as simple as slowing down and checking in with yourself can shift everything. It puts you back in control of your responses, rather than being swept away by reflex or acting in a way that you may regret.

How to Access Your Power

No matter where you are, or what you are doing – you can always take a moment for yourself. Simply pause, if only for a moment, and breathe. Inhale and exhale slowly, and ask yourself how you are feeling and what feels right for you at the moment. Sometimes that might mean ending a conversation, taking the conversation in a different direction, or removing yourself from a situation. Maybe it just means you give yourself time to collect your thoughts enough to accurately express how you’re feeling.

Taking a moment for yourself in real time may feel uncomfortable at first. Slowing down your words or collecting your thoughts before you speak takes practice—especially in live interactions. But here’s the truth: people will respect it. They’ll notice that you choose your words carefully, that you value the conversation enough to respond with intention.

And the more you value your own feelings and expression, the more others will too. No one is judging you for taking a breath to think. You don’t have to rush for anyone. If someone makes you feel like you do, that may be a sign to re-examine the boundaries you have with them.

When We Give Our Power Away

Sometimes things happen that are difficult to process. How we respond to these moments can pave the way for how our life unfolds after that. If you allow that one moment to determine your actions, or live in your mind longer than it needs to, you give that thing power over you.

I keep thinking back to that conversation with my friend. When they said they’d leave their home and relocate if a certain person became their neighbor, I wondered—where does the power really lie?

My friend lived in their home, made memories, invested time and money into making it their own – and if someone moved too close to them, they would entertain the idea of abandoning it entirely. In this instance, my friend would be placing more emphasis on the proximity of someone they didn’t like, than the life they built in their home.That is most certainly an example of placing too much value on something that doesn’t deserve it.

The reality is, power lies in your thoughts, your attention, and ultimately, in your choice.

You Always Have a Choice

You decide what you focus on. You decide how much weight you give it. And when you act out of fear, reaction, or the influence of something outside of you—rather than from a conscious decision that supports your well-being—that’s when you’ve given your power away.

For me, personally, I have a history of ruminating over things. If something bothered me, I would think about it for way longer than necessary – coming up with different alternate solutions, or trying to see it from other angles.

Eventually I realized that this constant rumination and thinking about something over and over, was more a result of an attempt to feel a sense of control and safety. Those times where my thoughts on a particular subject would get the best of me would never lead to anything productive. Usually, I would hyperfocus, it might cause heightened anxiety or at worst, lead to me taking action out of fear.

In times like this, when we let ourselves focus so much on any external factor, we give our power away. We let our thoughts run away with us and it becomes harder to choose something different.

That’s what happens when we let our thoughts spiral around an external factor: we hand over our peace. We let the outside world steer us instead of choosing differently.

So the next time something stirs up strong emotion—whether it’s injustice, hurt, or the urge to act—pause. Take that moment to check in with yourself. Every single time.

That moment you take for yourself, to breathe, think and choose – is where your power truly lives.

Resources If you’d like to learn more about giving your power away and being more present in your decision making, check out these links:

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