I was trying to think of a time when I had to deal with a difficult person for the introduction of this post. Then I thought, how do I narrow it down?
We have all dealt with a difficult person, whether it has been at work, at home, at the grocery store, or at the dining room table. Sometimes we just have differing opinions; other times it’s a matter of personalities that just don’t mesh. Either way, there are plenty of battles in life we just don’t have to participate in.
Growing up, I had some bullies, and the girls in my class would exclude me (what felt like, exclusively). The advice my mom gave me was to “just ignore them.”
At the time, I didn’t know what else to do, so I followed her advice. I just ignored them.
Maybe you’ve heard that before.
If someone is actively bothering you, it can feel dismissive for someone to tell you to simply look past it or let it go. When your boundaries are being violated, when you feel minimized or disregarded, when you feel a sense of injustice—how can you just ignore those things?
Some context for that advice might include “what goes around comes around” or “their actions will catch up to them.” All of these ideas are meant to provide comfort and give you a little boost to keep going. However, I never quite understood the gravity of just how true these statements were.
To be clear, this post isn’t about abuse or mistreatment—it’s meant to speak to everyday moments when someone tests our patience or pushes our boundaries.
What’s important here is not that you handle these people in a way that’s “right or wrong,” but that you do it in a way that protects your peace.
Why Negativity Needs Your Attention to Survive
So yes, I agree with the idea of “just ignore them,” but why?
Think about the last time someone sent some negative vibes your way. Better yet, think about the goal that was likely behind those actions—to some degree, your Negative Nancy wanted a reaction.
Negativity needs something to hold on to, something to attach itself to. Negativity requires engagement in order to be validated.
When you give your energy to it by showing emotion, changing behavior, or anything else for that matter, you provide somewhere for that negativity to land.
But if you ignore it, it hits you and just—falls flat. Picture water rolling off a duck’s back, because that’s metaphorically pretty accurate.
It’s easy, and most of the time very tempting, to respond with anger, jealousy, or the need to prove yourself. The thing to remember is that engagement is an agreement to participate.
Engagement Is a Silent Agreement
When you argue, explain, return aggression for aggression, or acknowledge this person with regard to their posed challenges, you’re unconsciously saying, “This deserves my energy.”
The reality is, if you truly didn’t agree with it, you would walk away.
If someone stood up and told you that you were actually a fish—would you be offended?
Of course you wouldn’t.
Would you stand there and get all hot and bothered trying to explain to this person that you’re not a fish? I don’t think so.
Why am I using such a ridiculous example? Because if you don’t agree with something—ridiculous or not—you aren’t going to give it much time.
Even if they said something a little more realistic, such as doubting your abilities or questioning your integrity, those things still don’t require your energy.
First of all, people are entitled to their opinions, and just because someone thinks something doesn’t make it accurate.
Negativity thrives in back-and-forth loops. When you engage in a back and forth with someone, that’s when you create something with that person.
That’s when nothing turns into something.
What Happens When You Don’t Engage
When you withhold attention, there’s nothing for negativity to stick to. The emotional hook is gone, and there’s nothing to reinforce that negative behavior.
When they say “just ignore them,” it’s because if you are detached and unbothered, you’re not providing that feedback loop, that stimulation, for the other person to come back to. It’s true that eventually they will get bored and move on to something else.
When you detach, the situation will generally resolve without you needing to be involved.
Not everything requires your response, just like not everything requires your energy.
Clarifying the Boundary: What This Is Not
This boundary is not about abuse, violence, or unsafe situations. Ignoring someone who doesn’t deserve your energy is about navigating your relationships in a healthy, productive way. It’s about identifying difficult personalities and understanding that it’s okay if you don’t participate. It’s easy to encounter people who project their own issues onto you—but you can identify that it’s happening and choose to divert your energy elsewhere.
Doing “Nothing” Is Actually a Conscious Choice
It’s not always easy to “do nothing.” It might seem like you’re doing nothing, but really, withholding energy can take a lot of conscious effort. Ignoring someone or keeping your distance isn’t passive.
Choosing not to engage with folks who are trying to bring out the worst in you requires discipline, emotional regulation, and self-trust.
In doing so, you are also choosing not to share mental space, not to react, and not to co-create something that doesn’t serve you.
This is actually choosing yourself and protecting your peace.
Attention Is Energy — Spend It Intentionally
Withholding your attention, when appropriate, is the empowering thing to do. Your attention is valuable. Where you place it determines what it grows.
When you focus elsewhere, the negativity weakens and, generally speaking, the situation neutralizes.
Ignoring them is the strongest approach for a number of reasons. Focusing your attention elsewhere—likely something you would rather pay attention to—requires the least amount of physical effort. Bringing your attention back to you saves emotional energy and prevents the opportunity for negativity to grow into conflict.
It’s effective because it doesn’t feed the problem. It can show your inner strength in a quiet, very real way.
Sometimes real strength is simply walking away.
Closing Reflection
Think about where you are placing your attention. Where are you giving your energy away unnecessarily? What would happen if you stopped engaging?
Access to your energy is granted, not assumed. You are not required to respond to everything that tries to reach you.
Related Reads:
Make Sure They Bring Value,
Let People Show You Who They Are,
Understanding Validation and How to Cultivate it for Yourself ,
Four Reasons Why Your Confidence Can Unsettle Others
Resources If you’d like to learn more about dealing with difficult people, check out these links:
- Psychology Today: How to Deal with Difficult People
- Cleveland Clinic: How to Deal with Difficult People
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