The Internal Debate
What do you do when your friends invite you to go out, but staying in and relaxing on the couch sounds so much better?
It can be a real dilemma.
A lot of times, what happens for me is that I’ll make plans about a week out, and then when the day arrives, I’m so tired that I regret committing to plans that sounded like a good idea at the time.
You know the feeling. You’re invited to a dinner party or an outing with friends – people you genuinely like, and you know you’d have a nice time, but it’s been a long week.
You’re tired.
You want to go. You want to see your friends. But you also want to stay home and rest because, well – that’s a good idea too.
So what do you do?
Where’s the balance?
These moments often come with guilt, fear of missing out, and that pesky feeling that maybe you “should” go.
The thing is, at some point, many of us start realizing that the decision isn’t just about FOMO – it’s also about our energy.
Things Change As You Get Older
As we get older, things change. Different stages of life bring shifts in priorities.
For instance, in our 20s, we tend to have more energy. We prioritize going out with friends and gaining new experiences. Going out at night, getting home super late, and then waking up early to go to work are all things we’re generally more capable of doing in our 20s.
We might be a little more willing to push through exhaustion and keep going.
Then, in our 30s, we might notice some changes. We may begin to feel a stronger desire to slow down just a bit. During this time, we often become more aware of our limits.
What feels comfortable for me right now?
What is sustainable?
We might start caring more about our sleep and the quality of that sleep. Self-care may become more of a necessity, and we start thinking more about rest and recovery.
Another thing I’ve personally noticed much more is caring about my peace.
It’s safe to say that we care about prioritizing our peace to some degree at all stages of life, but in my experience, my 30s have been a time to protect my peace and pay closer attention to how things affect me.
These transitions in our lives aren’t about becoming boring – they’re about becoming aware.
Some things that once felt exciting may eventually feel draining, and that’s okay.
Your Energy Is a Resource
This is so important, and it’s true. Your energy is a resource, and you only get so much of it in a given day. Where you direct that valuable resource matters, and it benefits you to use it intentionally.
Think about all of the things that require your time, focus, and energy.
You have work. That includes getting ready, commuting, and then actually showing up. While you’re there, people need things from you, deadlines need to be met, and there’s the social aspect of work that requires energy too.
Then there are your relationships. We want to show up as our best selves in our relationships, especially our close ones, and that requires a significant amount of time and effort. Going out for a work happy hour or getting together with friends also requires the use of your social battery.
You likely have responsibilities both personally and professionally. Cleaning the house, calling your mom, walking the dog, tending to your side business, and running errands all require energy and mental effort.
Then there are family obligations, and on top of all that, you need to make time for yourself and your personal growth. Perhaps you read or journal. Maybe you go to the gym or spend some time meditating.
All of that, combined with the unexpected things that naturally happen throughout daily life, is a lot. Many of us don’t have the luxury of wasting valuable energy on things that don’t actively need our attention.
So as you move through your day, take a moment to ask yourself:
How do I feel right now?
What do I need?
What would serve me best in this moment?
It’s always a good idea to pause and check in with yourself. If you need to rest after everything on your to-do list, then rest.
Sometimes rest can be the most productive thing you do.
The Fear of Missing Out
I think we’ve all experienced the fear of missing out at some point. It’s a real thing.
If you don’t go, what will you miss?
Will it be a really fun, memorable night that people talk about for years to come – the one you chose not to attend?
What if you regret not going?
There’s always something fun going on, especially when the people you care about are involved.
The thing is, it’s okay if some things happen without you.
There will be more events, more nights out, more dinners, more drinks, and more dancing. Your friends will be there next weekend with a new idea of something to do.
Opportunities to live your life are all around you. Missing out on one thing doesn’t mean missing out on everything.
What matters is that we’re intentional with how we direct our energy and that we’re in tune with how we feel so we can make decisions that are best for us.
So if you check in with yourself and find that you’re simply too tired to go out tonight, or even if you’d just rather have a quiet evening in, you can make that choice without guilt.
You can prioritize your mental and emotional well-being and give yourself permission to do so instead of being social.
That’s okay.
Sometimes we’re so focused on missing out on an event that we forget we’re also missing out on the rest and peace we genuinely need.
Honoring What You Need
Let’s elaborate a little more on checking in with ourselves to see what would be best in a given moment.
When you find yourself deciding whether you should stay in and rest or go out and keep going, there are some questions you can ask yourself.
Take a moment, get quiet, and ask:
What do I actually want to do?
What do I want to do tonight?
What would feel nourishing for me?
What would support my well-being?
Give yourself permission to answer honestly.
Don’t judge yourself for whatever answer comes up. Just sit with it and allow it to be there.
When you make your decision from this place of groundedness, whatever choice you make will likely be the most beneficial one – even if it means missing out on something.
This small step might give you permission to go to bed early, stay home, and enjoy a quiet night to yourself.
You’re allowed to skip something without a dramatic explanation.
If you need to rest, you are responsible to yourself – to rest.
Peace Has Value Too
We tend to prioritize excitement over peace.
We want to experience life, collect experiences, tell stories, go places, and get the pictures.
All of that is great, but let’s not forget that peace has value too.
When you prioritize your well-being, you might find that you sleep better. Better rest creates an opportunity to approach your day with your best foot forward.
With better rest and a calmer nervous system, you’re often more capable of regulating your emotions, practicing patience, and making decisions with clarity.
When you make yourself a priority, it benefits your mental health overall.
From this place, we can notice what leaves us feeling grounded versus what leaves us feeling depleted.
Sometimes the best decision isn’t the most exciting one.
Sometimes it’s the one that allows you to feel most like yourself.
Learning to Trust Yourself
While there is no right or wrong answer to, “I don’t really want to go out tonight. What should I do?” There are questions we can ask ourselves to help find the answer that feels best for us in that moment.
This isn’t about never going out.
It’s about doing what best serves your well-being.
Sometimes you’ll go out and dance the night away, and it’s amazing.
Sometimes you’ll stay home and be grateful you did.
The important thing is learning to listen to yourself.
Whatever you decide, the goal is to choose intentionally.
Also remember that you know what’s best for you more than anyone or anything outside of yourself.
Even if there’s a lot going on and you feel that sense of obligation creeping in, you don’t have to act on it.
Don’t simply default to what you think you “should” do. Take a moment for yourself and act on what you genuinely want to do.
Trust that you know what your needs are and that you’re capable of honoring them.
A Different Definition of Missing Out
What if missing out wasn’t the worst thing?
That might sound a little silly, but it’s really a matter of where you place your priorities.
What if overriding your own needs is actually what causes you to miss out?
What if you felt the same way about missing out on feeling rested and refreshed?
What if you didn’t want to miss out on feeling grounded, maintaining your health, being present, and connecting with yourself?
Sometimes saying no to one thing is actually saying yes to yourself.
Conclusion: Choose What Serves You
I’d like to remind you that your needs matter.
Your energy matters.
Remember that rest is productive and can be just as productive – if not more so – than action.
Slowing down isn’t giving up, and missing out on one thing doesn’t mean you’re going to miss out on everything else.
The older I get, the less interested I am in doing things just because I feel like I should. I’m more interested in asking myself what I actually need.
Sometimes the answer is adventure.
Sometimes the answer is connection.
And sometimes the answer is a cup of tea, a quiet evening, and being in bed by 9:30.
All of those answers are valid.
The real goal is learning to listen when your mind and body tell you what they need.
We always want to prioritize our well-being when making decisions and choosing how to spend our time.
Related Reads:
Boundaries and Standards: How to Identify, Enforce, and Embrace What’s Best for You,
Make Sure They Bring Value,
Let People Show You Who They Are,
It’s Your Show – The Reality of Main Character Energy
Resources If you’d like to learn more about closure, check out these links:
- Psychology Today: The Truth About Getting Closure
- Forbes: Why Your Brain Loves Closure Even When It’s a Lie – By a Psychologist
Want more content like this? Subscribe to the newsletter for more insights on the journey to confidence, gaining clarity and understanding, increasing your awareness, and living your authenticity.
If you found value in this post, share it with your friends!
